


Infuriating Man (Levi x Reader)

by ThatGinjahNinja



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Literature, Romance, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 06:37:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 44,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5081434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatGinjahNinja/pseuds/ThatGinjahNinja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi meets a headstrong young cadet and becomes completely enamored over time, but outside forces threaten to tear her away from him for good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction on DA. So far, I'm really enjoying my new hobby. I decided to try an Attack on Titan Reader Insert because Levi is just one of the absolute sexiest men in all of anime. I hope you all like it.
> 
> This is a several part fanfic btw. The rest of the parts can be found in my gallery.

He was watching your training session and you knew it. You wanted to make an impression on the man. Of course, you did. There were none among your peers who didn’t want Captain Levi Ackerman’s approval. Never mind the fact that most cadets accepted not being berated as trophy enough. You wanted more than that. You wanted the flat, emotionless leader of the Special Ops Squad to be forced to say something nice for a change. 

As you flicked your (e/c) eyes to make certain the captain was paying attention, you spurred your horse forward to the practice field. The trainers followed to gauge your skill. You felt exhilarated, prepared, and more than confident that, this time, the target Titans would be no match for all of your hard training. You had practiced the next move dozens of times, until standing on your speeding stallion had become like second nature. Your magnificent bay neared close enough to the tree line for you to release your 3D Maneuvering Gear and off you shot into the forest, with (h/c) locks breezing behind you. 

The first giant wooden target shot up from the ground and you obliterated it without even pausing, kicking off the flying debris towards your next obstacle. This mark sprang from right beside you, causing you to miss the next branch with your 3DM. You growled at the mistake but quickly corrected by pushing off the target and swinging around to take out its nape.

‘Two more,’ you thought to yourself. 

You knew the next two would be bigger and made of iron. Only a small destroyable area would be on the back of the neck. You zipped rapidly through the forest, eyes scanning for any sign of movement. There. You spotted it before it rose, and it easily went down.

You could hear the trainers following behind you in the trees. ‘Have to be impressive.’ Jumping down to the ground, you ran at a full sprint. This was going to be a new record for you, if you could keep up this pace. You caught site of your comrade Connie standing by a rope, barely in your sight. “Tch,” you couldn’t help but shake your head. “Too easy,” you said aloud. Running up the length of the iron target as it sprang from your left, you effortlessly hit its bullseye. Your blades sliced into it with such force that the iron head had nearly been guillotined.

You had done it! You were pretty impressed with your run. Had the trainers seen it all? Had he seen? Turning mid-air, wires flying, still waiting to grasp a branch, you searched for those harsh gray eyes. Instead, you saw a foot flying, and well before you had time to react, it connected to your chest. Gasping, (e/c) eyes wide, you fell, Captain Levi’s scowl following you all the way to the earth below. Struggling to land 3DM wires to anything, you only managed to slow yourself enough to roll across the ground, instead of crashing flat against it. As a further insult to your pride, the line of fellow cadets stood not far off, faces shocked or smirking. 

When you managed to halt yourself to a kneeling position, there Levi was again, swords drawn. Caught off guard, he kicked you fiercely, knocking you flat on your back, knelt above your form, metal blades to either side of your head. As he stared at you with his infuriating detached expression, you touched your tongue to your lower lip and tasted the blood seeping through your cut skin.

Anger shot through your whole body, and you launched yourself from your elbows, kicking the captain with such force that his smirk flew from his arrogant face.

“What the hell is your problem?!” You lunged at him blindly, but not before a big, balding trainer called Voss and your friend Jean Kirstein restrained you from further insult. “I had it! I nailed that course! Why would you-?”

“Cadet (l/n)!” He barked firmly.

You stood at attention out of habit, but with a scowl on your face and fists clenched so tightly at your sides that you were sure nails had drawn more blood. “Sir?” you barked back.

“You took down all of the targets with certainty and ease, there’s no question about that. Every one of you soldiers from the 104th have run this course a half dozen times, and its layout is unable to change dramatically, but out there…beyond the wall-? You have to expect the unexpected. You have to feel the danger in the air before you see it. The members of this corps must anticipate every outcome or you won’t return alive. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir,” you snarled.

“Cadets?! Are you all clear?!” he shouted at the surrounding trainees. 

“Sir! Yes, sir!” they all saluted.

“At ease! Cadet Arlert? You’re up. Reset the course!” He called to his men.

Moving to follow the young blonde boy to the start of the course, Levi halted beside you. Without either of you looking up, he growled, “Maybe on the actual field you’ll be more concerned with staying alive, instead of being caught off guard trying to show off for your commanding officers, you brat,” and stalked off.

You heard the others’ gasps and snickers and spun around, unloading your anger into the nearest tree trunk. “SHIT!” you shouted. You blew it. You had embarrassed yourself in front of the entire squad, and it was all because of that bastard using you to make some stupid point. Why did he have to choose you as the “lucky” recipient of that lesson? None of the others soldiers were subjected to a surprise boot to the chest!

Glaring after Captain Levi, your (h/c) hair blowing in the breeze, you caught him looking back at you before he sneered and quickly snapped his head forward again. “Shit,” you muttered once more. So much for impressing your Captain.


	2. Chapter 2

Levi Ackerman. Captain of the Special Operations Squad. Lance Corporal in the Survey Corps. Humanity’s Most Powerful Soldier. Lost in frustration over the most irritating woman he had ever met.  
  
She had been a cadet in the Corps for six months, the same as her other classmates from the Academy, but (f/n l/n) got under his skin more than any of them…more than any soldier he had ever led. She argued with him constantly and had no qualms doing so in front of his team. That is, not until he had given her bathroom duty for a month AND office clean-up for two. Even with the lengthy punishment, he would still sometimes catch her (e/c) eyes narrow and jaw clench when he launched into one of his asinine lectures. Levi would stare her down, challenging her to contradict him, and felt actual pride in the difficult cadet when she managed to hold back. Maybe he could actually make a great soldier of her, yet.  
  
In fact, it had been months since she had engaged him at all. He found himself often recounting the vibrant young soldier who had worked so diligently in his office. She didn't seem to mind hard work in the slightest. Levi hardly ever had to have her clean the offices a second time, a trait he admired. It was clear that (l/n) was anxious to be released from her punished servitude. At some point, something had gone all wrong for Ackerman. Maybe "changed" was the right word. No. It was more like "irritating."   
  
The raven haired captain could not understand why this particular soldier was so troublesome. (l/n) had the hellish ability to read him, even under his oft expressionless eyes. Few had ever been able to get inside his head like that, and he didn’t care for the embarrassed heat it caused behind his ears. Sometimes, she would reach high in the office to dust his books, which left him feeling ashamed as his eyes lingered too long on her figure, a stone pit growing stronger in his abdomen by the day. When her work duty was over, he would catch himself wondering what she was doing with her time much more frequently than was appropriate for an officer to wonder. It almost seemed she had avoided him as much as possible since being dismissed. At any rate, there was virtually no reason for their paths to cross.  
  
Levi found himself monitoring more and more training sessions, telling himself it was best for the Corps. In actuality, it was for purely selfish reasons. Reasons he didn’t even fully understand for himself. Today was another day he had committed to being on the training field. His chest felt tight when he saw the familiar (h/c) ponytail waltz to the line. The cadets all seemed full of themselves today, ready to show off their hard practiced skills on the Titan course. Yaeger went. Ackerman. Bertholt. That damned potato girl. The captain and trainers followed and assessed each one. They were all at the top of their game by now. Many of them had already seen expeditions outside the walls, which came much more frequently in the years since losing Wall Maria. Levi actually felt pleased with the young soldiers during practice but knew that skill did not have much to do with surviving a Titan attack in one piece. Not long, though and Commander Erwin Smith would be handing out their official work posts for the other side of the walls.  
  
As (f/n)’s turn approached, he saw her brilliant (e/c) eyes flash to his, and that old familiar stone dropped in his gut. Off she sped, impressively agile and easily one of the best horsemen the corps had ever had. As she stood on the saddle, Levi felt a lump in his throat. Up into the trees she shot, that magnificent (h/c) hair almost sparkling as light hit it through the foliage. She was breezing through each target with confidence and unmatched skill today. He felt pleased to see her doing so well and wondered if there was some inconspicuous way to impress (l/n). The captain felt his ears heat up again.  
  
Last target. She flipped to the ground, showing off at the end. And for what? “Tch!” Ridiculous, cocky behavior. If this had been outside the wall, she would have most likely gotten herself killed with all of the extra movement. He had to teach her to be more mindful of her full surroundings.   
  
In one rapid movement, he flew at her, aiming for her backside with his boot, hoping to take her by surprise. Ackerman had not expected the young woman to turn around midair. His eyes widened as he landed the kick against (l/n)’s chest before any of her wires had connected. He flew after her, but (f/n) caught herself and rolled. Too arrogant to admit an error, too determined to make his message clear to the cade, and something else...A need to satisfy his own hubris, perhaps...caused him to push her to the ground again with his foot, stabbing his blades in the earth on either side of her head. Barely smirking, he felt dominant as he had easily bested this very capable corpsman. Until he went flying off of her onto his back, that is.  
  
Wounded by her tirade, watching as she was restrained, he stood haughtily and barked his statements, careful to conceal his embarrassment. He had taken it too far. He knew he had, but did this brat not understand that she had to be more mindful if ever she went beyond the wall? She had to. Levi was perplexed as to why this felt so important to him. By this point, he could see that he had already infuriated her, but instead of backing down, he pushed his luck more and humiliated her in front of the whole team.  
  
As he hopped back on his horse and followed Armin, he heard her swearing loudly. Turning to look, his eyes caught her furious (e/c) ones. He snapped his head forward, grabbed his reins tightly, and quietly grumbled “Shit.” So much for impressing that bothersome brat. His ears burned more crimson than ever.


	3. ThatGingahNinja

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the third part of this story (which is a completed story in the gallery). I hope people enjoy it.  
> Links to the first 2 parts and the 4th:  
> [Infuriating Man (Part 1) (Levi x Reader)](http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/548916028)  
> [Infuriating Man (Part 2) (Levi x Reader)](http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/548938653)   
> [Infuriating Man (Part 4) (Levi x Reader)](http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/549099316) 
> 
> *The cover image is a screen shot.
> 
> The below image is a picture of the style of Reader-chan's horse. He's a blood bay.
> 
> Image found on pinterest. [](http://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/ae/54/78/ae54780cdfe2ab56850ae29b6ac6a879.jpg)[s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/o…](http://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/ae/54/78/ae54780cdfe2ab56850ae29b6ac6a879.jpg)
> 
> [__](http://sta.sh/01y8k53yh6mi)

**Note** This chapter turned out a lot longer than I'd anticipated. Oh well. (Also, in case you don't feel like naming the horse, I just call it "Uma" in my head, which I'm pretty sure is the Japanese word for horse.) There's a link in the description to a reference of what the reader-chan's horse looks like in my head. [#sorrynotsorry](http://www.deviantart.com/tag/sorrynotsorry)

********

Done for the day, everyone headed to the stables to put away the horses. Your horse was marvelous, a blood bay stallion with jet black mane and tail. He had beautiful black socks on each of his legs. Once you put away his tack, you began to clean him. The ritual calmed you many times over the months, to stand quietly brushing his beautiful coat. When you were feeling out of place, like you didn't belong in the elite Survey Corps, this animal reminded you that you did. 

Soldiers were not supposed to give names to the horses. They weren’t pets, after all. They were to be used as tools in the war against Titans. Becoming attached would just make a loss on the field much more personal. You couldn’t help yourself, however. You had spent so much time with this creature, working patiently to hone your skills as an exceptionally adept rider, and he had been your solace when things felt overwhelming. You imagined that many a new soldier had to find out for themselves why exactly personalizing the horse was not encouraged, and you were that type of soldier. Finishing up, you hugged his neck and stroked his mane. “Good boy. That’s a good boy, (horse/name).”

Leading him to his stall, you saw the small figure of a man walking down the line, checking that each horse was properly clean and put away for the day. You rolled your eyes at the captain. His obsession with order and cleanliness was ridiculous…and sexy. Surprised at yourself, you turned to face your horse, hoping no one would see the mad blush racing across your cheeks. Quickly dashing into the stall, you pulled (h/n) in behind you.

The last task of the evening was to fill (horse name)’s food troughs. While you scooped the sweet smelling horse feed, you thought about earlier with a clearer head. Levi had a point. You had been cocky that day from the start, and you knew that beyond the wall there was no room for such behavior. You had encountered Titans before during the second wall breach, and though you had yet to be in the wild with the beasts, you knew quite well the danger they could present. You understood the point your strict captain was making, but why? Why did he always need to take it a step further, always finishing with an offensive jab or embarrassing admonishment? 

During the months that you had been directed to clean the offices, you felt you had learned a great deal about your commanding officer, but he was always quick to throw a curveball, sure to mask any form of kindness or praise behind scowl or insult. It was infuriating to be around that attitude on a daily basis. Any time he insulted you, instead of just giving a direct command as you felt an officer should, you confronted him. You knew it would get you into trouble, but his demeanor was appalling at times, while yours was head-strong. You did not understand his need to be such an unbearable asshole.

But you also understood that you had yet to see the horrors his steel eyes had witnessed. You had lost acquaintances, but you had not personally felt the pain of comrades being dismembered in front of you. You had not had to hold the hand of a dying teammate or come back from an expedition with most of your squad decimated. The more you thought on that over the weeks, the more you found yourself softening to his rude outbursts. You pet your (h/n)'s soft neck, and your mind drifted to the times in his office.

======================================

You had discovered that if you just stood silently and stared empathetically into his face, he usually stopped himself from going overboard. Occasionally, he would call you a brat or an idiot to see what type of response he would get. It was amusing for you to see his annoyance when you couldn’t be bothered to reply to his offences. You found it oddly attractive. Watching him stew over it would bring a sly smile to your face and warmness to your abdomen. Many times you would have to busy yourself with something on the shelves facing away from him, otherwise certain the lance corporal would have discovered your cheeks flushed. 

The longer you visited his office, the more endearing his mannerisms became. The way he would check over your cleaning to make sure it was up to his standards, huffing when he found no mistakes and dismissing you. The way he would grumble at his paperwork. The way he would take off his glasses in one hand and run his other through his dark hair after a long and tedious evening completing his files. The contour of his hip as he stood over his map table, strategizing missions, with a pen dangling loosely from him lips.

For two and a half weeks out of your chores you had cleaned the offices alone. The squads were out beyond the wall. You kind of missed the taunts and his maddening flat expression when you tried to read him. Though you easily could have done a sub-par job and finished your chores earlier, you still cleaned every day as thoroughly as if he had been watching. It felt in some way like it would help keep his mind focused on the field, thinking his office was well looked after.

One late afternoon, as you were making your rounds, you saw Eren and Mikasa leave Levi’s office looking battle-worn and exhausted. “Good to see you home,” you said to the pair. Eren gave a tired wave as they walked past and you exchanged the tiny, wearied smiles they offered with your warm, comforting grin. You watched the pair slowly disappear from the building.

Standing from the baseboards in the hall, your heart leapt. If they were back, that meant…You grabbed your cleaning supplies and slung open the door to his office much harder than you had intended. It didn’t seem to startle the captain in the slightest. He was leaned against his desk, equipment in the floor, maneuvering gear harnesses around his waist, shirt clinging to his form with sweat and dried blood, head down concentrating on cleaning his fingers with a moist cloth. He seemed lost in thought, obsessively cleaning dirt that wasn’t there.

“I’m sorry, sir! I didn’t know you’d returned!” you lied, trying to conceal your embarrassment at finding him in a private moment.

He looked up from his hands, eyes deep set and deprived of rest. “This room is disgusting!” he barked. “Can’t you manage even one thing while the rest of us are out there, you spoiled brat?! Get out! I’ll have to do it myself!” Eyes stinging, you turned from his harsh glare. 

“Yes, sir.” It isn’t as if you would not have volunteered to switch places with another soldier, but you weren’t allowed on real expeditions while on penalty. That comment cut the deepest. You felt useless with the squads away, and so you had worked hard in his absence and he had not even noticed. Your hand on the door, you paused. He was right. You realized that from the captain’s perspective, the room was filthy. Dirt and blood on the floor, his gear, his skin, and his clothes. Blood from monsters and friends alike stained your captain’s vision. You turned around and lifted his 3DM onto your cart.

“What do you think you’re doing with that, Cadet?!” he barked.

“I’ll take it and make sure it’s thoroughly cleaned myself, sir,” you replied, your eyes meeting his with such intensity and understanding that he nodded. He stayed motionless as you quickly cleaned the hard floors. When you asked for his harness, he removed it the rest of the way and placed it on your cart, returning to lean against the desk. He was looking at his hands again. You were not sure why he was focused there when it seemed to be one of the few places the man had not sullied.

Feeling bold and knowing you could help bring your captain out of his dark thoughts, you stood in front of him and placed one hand on his powerful forearm, one on the damp but spotless cloth. Fingers brushed his skin and you felt your chest tighten and his muscles twitch against your touch. “(l/n) what are you-?“ You cut him off by tugging gently on the cloth.

“May I, Captain?” His muscles relaxed and his grip relinquished the rag. You studied his face, which he kept turned to the ground, his black bangs shielding his eyes. It was clean. His neck had dirt and blood and scrapes along the left side. Steadying your hands, you lightly wiped at it until it was all removed and ran your thumbs over the skin to flick away the moisture. You cleaned his forearms and the exposed area of his sternum. Dipping the cloth in the warm water, you stepped back to him. Not daring to look in his eyes, you hesitantly put fingers to the fastened button of his shirt. You waited to hear him to order you out of his office, tell you it was unsuitable, throw you out of the Survey Corps, etc. His breath hitched, but he remained silent. Unbuttoning all of the remaining buttons, you moved the rag to clean his abdomen. It was intimate and your body filled with fire as your fingers felt his well-built body beneath the cloth. He winced and you noticed a gash across his sculpted side. It was not bleeding profusely by now, but it was still oozing.

“Sir!” you whispered in a concerned tone.

He snatched your hand away from the mark, saying, “It’s nothing. I’ve had worse many times, genius. Don’t try treat me with such pity. I can handle myself better than anyone.” His voice had grown agitated. You turned your head from him.

“I didn’t mean to imply that I thought otherwise of ‘Humanity’s Most Powerful Soldier,’ sir,” you said, frustrated that he had misread your actions. You had not meant for Ackerman to think you pitied him, but that you understood he seemed overburdened that afternoon. His hand still gripped your fingers and you looked at them, then to him. You could swear there was a slight blush in his cheeks as he let go of you.

He removed his shirt over his defined shoulders and handed it to you in a crumpled wad. “Consider it ruined garbage.” You nodded and tossed it in the can on your cart.

“Will that be all for today, sir?” You knew it was time to take your leave and allow him the chance to finish his cleaning rituals that would allow him to hang on to sanity. 

“Yes, cadet. Dismissed,” Levi responded wearily.

As you opened the office door to leave, a hand pushed it nearly closed again. “No, it’s not. I have something else to say.” Seeing the definition of his bare arm as you turned to face him caused a flame somewhere in the depths of your abdomen. The fact that his arm lingered over your head momentarily, torso completely exposed to you, made your mouth feel suddenly dry. You swallowed thickly, as he took a step back and said, “I apologize for my behavior. It was over the line, and no fault was with you. I do see, now that I look around, that you took special care to keep my work space clean for me, even though I was away. Cleanliness is extremely alleviating for me,” he offered like he was trying to tell you he hadn't really misunderstood what you had been doing. He paused and swallowed noticeably. “And (l/n)? Thank you. For just now, I mean.” He nodded his head in appreciation, “Thank you.”

Your mouth twitched in a tiny smile. “Just trying to finish my work detail, sir.”

He nodded. “Dismissed.”

“Yes, sir. See you tomorrow, Captain,” you said as you pushed your cart out the door. Starting down the hall, a frown crossed your face. You realized it was already the last day of your punishment. You would not be back tomorrow. There were no more excuses to be alone with this bafflingly enticing man. As you bowed your head in disappointment, you heard the door to his office finally clicking shut and smiled as you realized Levi had been leaning shirtless into the hall, watching you leave.

=============================================

 

Your (e/c) eyes startled out of your memories when your neighboring cadet, Sasha Blaus shouted, “Yes, Captain Levi!” You patted (horse name) on the neck one more time, wished him goodnight, and walked out of the stall. As you hitched the lock with one hand, you removed your hair tie with the other, slipped it on your wrist, and ruffled the (h/c) locks from underneath to shake out its crimp. 

“Dismissed, Blaus!” you heard Levi order. Turning around, you stood at attention, awaiting your inspection.

The commander walked over and looked briefly in the stall. It seemed he wasn’t interested in examining your work today. “Permission to speak, Sir?” you questioned, hoping he wasn’t already too annoyed with you.

“What is it, (l/n)?” his voice not holding its expected agitated tone.

“I apologize for my disrespectful behavior today, sir. I shouldn’t have challenged my superior like that. I struck without thinking, sir. I realize what you were trying to demonstrate, and I do respect it, Captain, sir.” As you watched, his face softened and seemed to hold some untold remorse, but he quickly snapped back to his usual demeanor.

“Don’t let it happen again, brat! Unacceptable!” You looked at the ground and clenched your fists. ‘Always to the insults,’ you thought bitterly. “Dismissed, (l/n)!”

“Yes, Captain Levi!” you shouted, turning to walk to the barracks and wash before dinner.

“And (l/n)?” he called after you. You paused and waited for the worst, your remaining teammates looking on. “Office clean-up, one month!” You turned and punched the stall door, startling poor (horse name). ‘Sorry, boy,’ you thought as you barely contained your smile.


	4. ThatGingahNinja

Distracted by a certain cadet ruffling fingers through her cascading (h/c) tresses, Levi had forgotten what he was supposed to be doing. All he could picture were his own fingers in her hair in their place. He heard a small feminine voice clearing its throat and refocused on the obnoxious cadet in front of him. “Dismissed, Cadet Blaus!” Levi called and had already begun walking towards (l/n). She stood straight and proud, awaiting inspection. _Finally_. 

Finally, he had created an excusable situation to give her work detail again. It was selfish and cruel, and he felt a pang of sharp guilt in his rib cage once she began apologizing. It was unlike the spirited cadet he had come to know, and he had not expected an admission of wrongdoing. He hated himself knowing that, while it had been a valid lesson for her and all of the watching inexperienced soldiers, he had done it purely to this end. He considered just accepting her apology and dismissing her as normal. Instead he was appalled as he barked detestably in her direction, calling her names, determined not to miss this opportunity. Walking to Kirstein’s stall for inspection, he spat vile thoughts at himself for using his advantage as a commander. He would tell her it was unnecessary later, but as he walked into Cadet Kirstein’s horse stall, he glanced over and caught a brief grin on (l/n)’s face. His heart leapt in excitement and his stomach unknotted for the first time in weeks. No. In truth, it had been months since he had felt so relaxed. Not since that last day in his office. He happily dismissed Kirstein and ignored whatever idiot question the boy had just asked. After dismissing the last two cadets, he headed to his officer's quarters, lost deep in thought while he washed before dinner. Her silky soft touch had been all he had thought about now for months, as well as the understanding that had been shining from her (e/c) eyes. Levi could read her offer for solace, and it felt as if it stoked some torch in his soul that had been barely shining for years. It was as if, for a moment, there were no dark thoughts about Titans to be had. And it was more than that. She had known what would help ease his mind without prodding or pressuring or fumbling. When Levi had needed it most, (l/n) knew to be direct, but gentle; passive, but firm. She knew that he stood feeling disgusted at the reminders of battle. No one had ever been able to read him in that way. No one had ever assumed, without witnessing it first hand, that he actually took each loss on the battlefield personally. People didn’t consider that each face of his fallen fellows burned in the back of his mind daily. Stubborn, cold, rude, detached, bastard; those were the common feelings he knew most of the Survey Corps held for him. Hell, most of the world thought it, for that matter. He did not deny he was most of those things, but almost nobody had ever desired to know if there was more to him than “Humanity’s Most Powerful.” The way she had offered to dispose of the blood and dirt of Levi’s friends that covered his gear, clothes, and body made his heart ache. He knew she was offering to take, at least, that one burden off of his shoulders. The realization alone felt like a tremendous relief. Her sorrowful eyes as she looked at the objects, like she understood the significance of the blood these comrades had shed, caused his stomach to clench. Most people saw only the blood of Titans and congratulated his fine work. It wouldn’t occur to them that he carried bodies from the battlefield when he could, retrieving the heinously destroyed pieces so there would be something to bury (if time allowed). Others could not contemplate that he cradled lost Squad members to his chest and vowed their fight would never be for naught. He took the time to deliver the news to his fallen friends’ loved ones personally, even though he wasn’t obligated to do so as part of his job. If it did occur to someone, they would always look at him with pity or confusion over his seemingly detached methods. Detached was easier. He had learned that from a very young age. (l/n)’s eyes were filled only with such mournful empathy, that the exhausted soldier allowed his body to relax as she cleared away some of his demons. His muscles melted at her touch, and he concentrated on the water droplets wringing from the rag in an effort to keep his composure. It had been a long time since a beautiful woman had touched his bare skin. The contrast between the recent battle and this moment were incomparable. The fearless captain was filled with nervous stimulation. When she found his injury, her fretful voice was too much for him. He did not deserve concern, not with the life he'd lived. He could not be responsible for worrying anyone. Levi knew what was beyond the wall, and he hated forming relationships at all because of the dangers he had sworn to deliberately face. Few had been persistent enough to manage over the decades. He could not even fill two full hands with the number of "friends" he'd had in his thirty-something years, and now many of those were dead; Petra, Eld, Gunther, Oluo, Isabel, Farlan, Hange, Erwin. He had even grown attached to that Yaeger brat despite him being a sometimes uncontrollable monster…but the captain himself took virtually no care to foster those friendships. They made the effort. He didn’t push them away, but he wasn’t responsible for pulling them to him, either. How could he now let someone like (l/n), so full of compassion, be drawn to his side-- despite the incredible way it felt deep in his bones? It would be too egocentric, even for him. Pushing her hand away in an effort to push away his unwelcome feelings, he immediately regretted the act. Levi found he could not even bring himself to let go of this woman’s fingers. When she noticed, he broke out of his self-centered thoughts and dismissed her. _Idiot!_ he scolded himself. _Don’t send her away with such unprovoked_ _animosity!_ The captain stopped her. Though his ears buzzed deafeningly with new desire at feeling her warm breath skim along his raised forearm, Levi’s body relaxed again when she mercifully accepted his apology and his gratitude. He then found himself unable to tear his gaze from her retreating figure until he realized just anyone might catch him standing half naked in his entryway, staring after the beautiful girl. Closing the door behind him, Levi looked at his datebook. Disappointed to see *** _(l/n), office duty, Day 60*_** he sulked to his shower, muscles tensed once more. =================== Every day since, Ackerman had thought about those few brief moments, trying to bottle the feeling and save it for painful days, but nothing worked. The longer he went without seeing her, the tighter Levi’s body felt. Missions felt longer, even though they never lasted more than a few days at a time-- practicing around the inside of Wall Maria. He began attending the training sessions when he was on the base. The captain considered too much of a change would be suspicious to everyone, so he made sure only to attend sessions once a week. When that still wasn’t enough, he resigned himself to eating in the crowded mess hall, with all of the nauseating soldiers and their filth, just so he could watch (l/n) eat. That only made his skin crawl, not just at the disorder in the cafeteria, but at his actions. Levi felt like a creep and decided he couldn’t subject himself or the girl to something so violating in her personal time. It was intimidating that he suddenly became so drawn to her. He needed an excuse to be in her presence more often. That’s when he decided that he would just have to incite her to insubordination again. Underhanded or not, he had to see if just having her back in his office would ease his tension. His self-seeking needs outweighed the disdain he felt over using his position of power on an outranked soldier. Unfortunately, she seemed to have learned her lesson from before, or at least, had resigned herself to show him respect in front of the others. Even when he saw (l/n)’s (e/c) eyes narrow and flash fiercely in his direction, her mouth stayed shut. Even if her fists were clenched at her sides, trembling with anger, she responded only with, “Yes, Sir!” When she couldn’t help but drip venom into that programmed response, he considered punishing her for the sardonic tone alone, but knew that was too obvious. Striking an officer, however…it would be blatant partiality on his part if he did not punish her with work detail after such offence. The standard was three months of cleaning instead of free time, but Levi had only termed one. He felt shame knowing that he had intentionally caused her response and assumed that, if he was called on the shortened terms by a peer, he could always claim that he misspoke. Catching that her response was a cautious smile all but confirmed to Levi that he had been justified in detecting their initial chemistry. His chest felt like it could not contain its contents. He stepped out from the shower that evening with such a relaxed atmosphere in the air. It surprised him to focus on something other than his battles. Attempting to refrain from reading entirely too much into (l/n)’s long desired smile, he thought to himself, _I never thought there would be something that made me feel like I actually wanted to be inside these walls._


	5. ThatGingahNinja

It had been several weeks since you had returned to cleaning offices. Once Commander Erwin Smith heard what you had done in response to Ackerman’s attack, he tacked on another month and a half. (Personally, he felt only one more was sufficient after the lance corporal’s surprise “lesson,” but he liked how thorough you were with the cleaning. The last person on cleaning duty had been Private Sasha Blaus, and she could not have spent more time complaining about being hungry if she’d tried.) You were barely over halfway through the ten week punishment, at five and a half weeks, and things just seemed to have been falling neatly into place for you during that time. You nailed every training session, you excelled in hand to hand combat practice, you strengthened bonds with your friends, and improved even further on your riding skills with (h/n). There was just one main thing you hadn’t been able to do yet at your time in the Survey Corps. You had yet to serve outside the walls and face the actual vast numbers of charging Titans (Other than the time the monsters had breached the wall and Eren first transformed). Though you had spent so much time in punishment in your nearly eight months at the base, you looked forward to the day you would actually go on expedition beyond the wall. Everyone in your class had been at this point, except for you and Krista. You longed to be out with your corpsmen, defending the people and taking out actual Titans. It was the whole reason you joined. That and to see how far the sky could reach or the woods or the land. You wanted to see an ocean, like Armin. Growing up in a crowded inner district had advantages, but there was the problem of not being able to see much of anything. You had grown up unaware that Titans even existed or that there was anything more than endless city in the world until the collapse of Wall Maria. You had never even seen grass until the Academy. Your father had wanted you to join the military and make a name for yourself and your family with the Military Police, but once you learned of everything that may be beyond the walls and knew what your family needed protection against, nothing could keep you out of Erwin Smith’s Scout Legion. Even being on the base for the Corps, looking over the enormous wall had been more marvelous than you had imagined, and all you could see from there was the destroyed outer wall and abandoned inner ring. So the thought of what could possibly lay beyond all of the walls was unbearably exhilarating. And then there was Levi. Spending time alone in his office had been different this time around. Better. Tension in the air seemed to have faded and the evenings were relaxed, enjoyable even. Though you still had to focus on cleaning everything to the captain’s liking, you looked forward to it more and more as your favorite part of the day. Once training, showering, and dinner were done, people with work duty were sent to their stations while the rest of the soldiers had free time. Levi had always chosen to do his paperwork in the evening because he hated working at his desk with the other officers interrupting, talking, and popping in to disturb him. So when you finished the other offices, it would be just you and your captain, alone. It started out similar to before. You would work in silence while he poured over documents, strategies, personnel files, etc. Occasionally, he would ask (not order) you to clean, focusing on certain areas of the office. You would always reply, “Yes, Captain Levi,” sometimes sure you had been unable to conceal the thick craving in your voice, even with just those three unadorned words. You wanted it to be appropriate to talk out of turn, to ask questions, start conversations, learn anything more about this man who had quickly turned from an annoyance to the object of all your desires, but you didn’t dare. You knew he appreciated order and routine and everything in its proper place, and you wouldn’t risk throwing a wrench his way. After three days of that, he was called away with Special Op. When he returned four days later, you were elated to see his gray eyes smiling even if the gesture didn’t reach all the way to his lips. So relieved was he to have completed a rare excursion returning with every soldier, he began to let down his guard. He would ask about your day. You initially responded with short, to the point answers, but soon he had shifted to asking more detailed and open-ended questions which led to long conversation, sharing heated opinions, and even laughter. It turned out the captain was very quick witted, but unfortunately favored a fondness for jokes about shit. You always laughed, even when they weren’t funny, because the fact that he was comfortable enough to make jokes was amusing enough. He didn’t laugh much himself, but you had easily come across ways to garner smirks, smiles, the occasional chuckle, and the ultra-rare grin, after which he would shake his head, lean over in his chair and sigh. His face toward the ceiling, eyes closed, totally relaxed in your company. Those were your favorite moments with this beautiful man. It allowed you stare guiltily at him for some time before he would inevitably call it a night. He was hard and outwardly detached, but scratching the surface you found him to be funny, genuinely concerned about the cause, and an impressive example of the kind of soldier you wanted to become. You admired him as a man and a leader, yes, but you also admired his form. The fit of his white uniform pants, the sculpted arm muscles of someone consistently using upper body strength, his black undercut that you couldn’t keep from imagining running your fingers through, and the athletic, able body that you had not been able to stop picturing since that day in his office. It crept into your mind whenever you were alone with your thoughts for too long, and you would relish the pleasure that filled your body. Things had been so relaxed between the two of you, that you were surprised to find his demeanor had returned to sour shortly after arriving in his office one evening. He had started the evening teasingly. “What’s with the war paint?” he questioned, still flat in tone. You looked at him, puzzled. He continued by pointing to your lips. You touched your index finger to your mouth and realized what he meant. Staring at the pink on your fingers, you asked, “The makeup?” “Mhm,” he nodded. “Are you going out after this? Some big shitty party?” he teased again, as if that was a ridiculous notion. His face still held his usual calm expression, but you had become adept at reading its minute changes from happy to indifferent to angry. “I am. Yes,” you responded, not realizing it would cause any kind of issue. “Ah,” he got quiet and put his glasses back on, pen to paper, unreadable features returning to his face. You grabbed your dust rag and walked across the room to start cleaning the fixtures behind his desk. Eyebrows furrowed in confusion, your gaze lingered on his detached expression until he looked up again. “With whom?” an indecipherable tone to his voice. He had never shown any interest in your other relationships with people, and the sudden question surprised you. You suddenly realized that even the almost imperceptible changes you had been able to read in his mood were only because he had allowed you. Something about him now felt cold and you stared over your shoulder with a slightly reprimanding look. “I’m not sure that’s an appropriate question for you to ask.” “Fine,” he said coolly, pen back at work. You made an annoyed click of your tongue and gave him the answer anyway. “It’s mostly my academy class and a few of the new soldiers from the recent recruits. We are going to a pub in town tonight. Everyone wanted to let off a little steam before some of them leave tomorrow for the next battle,” you offered, hoping to lift this awkward mood. It seemed to only make it worse. “I know when the next battle is, you idiot,” he muttered, but his face looked regretful instantly. Shocked at the insult and hurt that he seemed to feel you were slighting him in some way, you shot back, “What’s your deal today, Captain?!” He offered no response and you stormed to the other side of the office, standing with your back to him, arms crossed, face red with anger. _Of course, he knows it's tomorrow! He’s leading one himself! Does he really think I wouldn’t have been painfully aware of that? Is he still so blind that he doesn’t know I would trade any night with friends to spend with him-- if he would only ask me?_

You decided that maybe he really hadn’t read your affections these last five weeks and turned back to face him. His head was still buried in the files. “I thought, since you’ll be leaving as well, you might want to join everyone. It’s always good to see you with the men. Everybody gets such a boost when they see someone like ‘Captain Levi’ mingling with us commoners,” you teased. “The other officers will be there, too.” “Sounds like my idea of hell,” he said grimly. He hadn’t meant it as a personal jab, and you knew it. Of course he would hate a pub, but why was he so short with you for going? You shook your head. _Idiot._ “That’s what I thought you’d say. Crowded, loud, dingy, smoky…I can’t picture you in a place like that. What would people think? ‘Humanity’s Most Powerful Soldier', Mr. Uptight, Captain Clean Freak,' likes to unwind once in a while?’ How absurd,” you scoffed, feigning your horror with a terrible foreign accent. “I think we’re done for the night,” he replied, tone as flat as ever. You were taken aback by the statement. “What? I’ve barely touched anything! I mean, I’ve only been in here for maybe fifteen minutes, sir.” He continued to stare at you with his infuriatingly blank face. “I was kidding! The same as you were earlier! It was just a stupid ass joke, Levi!” Your face caught fire as soon as his name left your mouth. How could you have addressed your superior so casually? You knew this man of order would never allow that to slide by unnoticed. Maybe you would be moved to bathroom duty after this. “Dismissed, Private,” he said firmly as he stood and opened the door. “Yes, Captain!” you huffed and you hurried off to meet your friends, mortified to have misread these last few weeks as something that had grown mutual.


	6. ThatGingahNinja

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 6 of 24. Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> First 5 are linked below and the rest are in my gallery, if you click my user name.  
> [Infuriating Man (Part 1) (Levi x Reader)](http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/548916028)   
> [Infuriating Man (Part 2) (Levi x Reader)](http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/548938653)   
> [Infuriating Man (Part 3) (Levi x Reader)](http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/549052555)   
> [Infuriating Man (Part 4) (Levi x Reader)](http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/549099316)   
> [Infuriating Man (Part 5) (Levi x Reader)](http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/549197498) 
> 
> *Cover image is a screen shot.

Levi’s hand lingered on the door after he had shut it behind (l/n). Then he skulked to the reading couch and flung himself down on his back, one arm covering his eyes, boots propped on the arm of the sofa. “Gaahh!” he shouted to the empty air. “Idiot,” he murmured to himself. When the young cadet first entered his office that night, he was taken aback by how stunning she looked. Her (h/c) hair was flowing loose instead of its usual ponytail. She was wearing casual pants that, he couldn’t help but notice, fit in all the right places; a simple form hugging tank top in her favorite shade of (f/c). It couldn’t have been more casual, but Levi found it irresistibly sexy. She even smelled sweeter than usual. Then he noticed she had added mascara, accentuating her (e/c) eyes, and a lip color, drawing even more attention to her absurdly distracting lips. He wondered why the change in appearance and secretly hoped it was because of the something he felt between them and the fact that he would be leaving tomorrow. After Levi learned that she had plans other than him for the evening, things took a turn for the ugly. He scolded himself again and again for the uncalled for statements he was directing at (l/n). He could see all over her face that he was confusing and hurting her, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. He had carelessly called her an idiot and meant it, instead of his usual jest. The word hung in the air, even after she had yelled at him in return. He wanted to apologize but his pride held him back. 

_Didn’t she know there was no one else he wanted to be with, nowhere else he wanted to be on the night before this mission, than with her? Hadn’t he made that clear enough yet?_ He didn't think he had been so casual with anyone in all of his life, but then, he supposed, she had no way of knowing that. The captain was relieved when she tried to clear the air by inviting him along, but at the same time, he cringed knowing how uncomfortable he would be in a crowded bar. After that, it hadn’t mattered that she was trying to lighten the mood. Her words felt like daggers in his mind. “Captain Clean Freak?” “Mr. Uptight?” She couldn’t see him having a few drinks with fellow soldiers? He had really been trying to lower his guard and be more open around her. He knew it still looked different from most people's version of "open" but she had truly seemed to accept that about him. So, it felt to him as if (f/n) had just said that she could never be with someone like him. He could not stand to hear anymore, and instead of putting them both through the discomfort, he dismissed her. Nothing prepared him for hearing only his given name fly off her pink lips. It had been something he had wanted to hear for months, something he had imagined her calling in multiple scenarios, but he would never dare to ask. He appreciated order in his world and he couldn’t start by making an exception with (l/n). He was disappointed that she had used the casual name while they argued, but he was almost certain there was pleading in her voice as well. Terrified he would not be able to conceal his elation, he hastily ordered her out. Now, laying on the couch, all he could focus on was her calling his given name. Uninvited carnal settings played in his mind. ‘Levi,’ he heard again, lust stirring. He sat up, frustrated that he had not finished any of his paperwork yet. When he sunk in his desk chair, he picked up his pen and placed it to the paper once again. Looking down he realized that in all the time he had spent with his pen to this same file that evening, he had yet to make a single mark on the page. Loudly shoving his chair away from the desk, Levi tossed his pen on its top and walked to the door. He opened it, but quickly slammed it shut again. “Damn it!” he exclaimed. Taking a deep breath, he flung the door open again and headed to change out of his uniform. *** As Levi walked into the pub, noise and smoke smacked him in the face. He grimaced and plunged his hands into the pockets of his hooded jacket, a little concerned at what his fingers might touch. He scanned the crowd, noting some townsfolk but mostly soldiers he recognized. Their eyes fixed on him in shocked expressions. Some of the older members looked like children who’d been caught with a hand in the cookie jar, while the younger recruits seemed to gawk like he was an idol. It made him terribly uneasy. The first soldier to actually welcome him was, of course, Hange. “Shorty! What are you doing?! Get over here and join us, fool! I can’t believe you actually came to a real pub. This must be a special event! Hurry and get us more drinks,” she exclaimed in her annoyingly high-strung manner. “Relax, Shitty Glasses. I don’t plan on making it a habit.” He glanced around awkwardly, looking at the extra unwelcome attention Hange had drawn. He noticed gratefully as Yaeger walked over and handed him a drink. Taking it by the rim, to keep his fingers off as much of the cup as possible, he took a huge gulp of the amber liquid. “Get you anything else, Captain?” the boy Titan inquired. The commander shook his head, lifting the drink to his lips once more, and scanned the room for the only person he cared to see. Hange rested her arm on top of Levi’s head, mocking his size and enjoying making him uncomfortable, as she launched into some topic that Ackerman cared nothing about at this particular moment. He continued looking over the crowded pub, as Hange’s voice became like white noise. Suddenly, there came a great shout as glasses were slammed to the table and fists were thrust in the air. Through the cheering crowd, Levi spotted the familiar (h/c) hair. Seated at the table were a passed out Connie Springer, a nauseated Sasha Blaus, Ymir on the floor being helped to her feet by Krista, followed by Mikasa, Reiner, and (f/n), the only three still seated. Dozens of shot glasses littered the table. “Who’s out?!” shouted Kirstein, who seemed to be taking bets as people stuffed money into his hands. “Oh god! I’m out,” Sasha blanched. Boisterous laughter erupted as she rushed to find a bathroom. “Mikasa?” Jean questioned. She just glared at him silently. “So, no. How about you, Reiner? Done for?” Reiner smoothly replied, “You wish, horse face, but I think I saw (l/n) looking kind of gray over there.” (f/n) scoffed. “In your dreams, big man! You don’t know who you’re dealing with. I can do this all. night. long,” she emphasized to a crowd of “OHHHS!” The suggestive words made Levi choke on his drink, as he slowly made his way closer. Fists pounded out a drumroll until Jean threw his hand in the air and shouted, “Drink!” Three glasses flew to mouths and slammed back down on the table to more applause. Levi’s eyes were fixed on (f/n). He felt bewitched. Her cool and confident attitude, her laugh that he lived to hear, and her eyes smiling brightly. He felt a pang of jealousy seeing the fun she was able to have away from his dispassionate manner. As they set the next round, Jean spotted his commander. “Whoa-ho-ho, everyone! Looks like we have a surprise guest! Captain Levi, Sir!” he slurred, gesturing to the lance corporal with a half-ass salute. Eyes the size of dinner plates stared in Ackerman’s direction before the crowd erupted into drunken cheers again. “Do you want to play, Captain?” asked Jean, laughing as (f/n) kicked him under the table. People cheered and urged Levi on, but he held up his hand and declined. “Pass. Those glasses are probably crawling in filth.” The crowd laughed again at the Captain’s anticipated response, and Levi heard (f/n) mumble, “Typical,” under her breath. “Suit yourself! Now who’s out?” None of the remaining contenders made a sound, but (l/n)’s eyes were narrowed right at Levi. He swallowed uneasily at her soured expression, and his face returned to flat. As the drumroll of fists began, she suddenly held up her hand. “Nope. Ya know what? I _am_ out. I’m out,” she announced, clapping her hands together. “What?! _Come on, (f/n)!_ One more round! _Come on!_ Boo! _One more!_ I’ve got my money on you!” came shouts from every direction. She smiled and shook her head definitively. “Sorry, fellas. I think I’m starting to feel a little too drained to keep playing this game,” she said as she narrowed her eyes at the captain further. She stood from the table, downed the last shot anyway, and slid the empty glass to Jean’s waiting hand. “See you punks later,” she said as she made her way to the door. Levi found the whole scene suggestive and felt for the first time that maybe he was way out of his league when it came to (l/n). She stopped on her way, hugging and wishing the leaving squad members luck on tomorrow's expeditions. Levi tried to follow her out. He zigzagged through the madhouse, but kept getting sidetracked by people stopping him. He felt himself grimacing as they went in for drunken hugs or pats on the back or-- worst of all, handshakes, which he always pulled away from, hands back in the safety of his pockets. He had almost made it to the exit, when Hange blocked it and demanded he spend more time with his peers. “You’ve only been here for ten minutes, Short-stack!” Levi moved her aside, exclaiming “Not now, Shitty Glasses!” When he grabbed the handle and pushed the door open, he felt something wet and slimy on his hand. “Fuck!” he shouted and kicked the door closed from the outside, staring at his disgusting feeling palm. He could hear Hange on the other side shout, “What a weird little man you are, Levi!” “Fuck!” he exclaimed again. He could focus on nothing but his crawling skin and searched his pockets frantically for something to wipe the hand. He always kept a cloth in his pocket. _Where was it?_ To his right, he noticed a handkerchief waving near his face-- his handkerchief. Snatching the god sent object, Levi looked to the thief, surprised to see (f/n). He sighed as realization hit him. “Did you do this?” he questioned, raising his hand to her. “Yep,” she replied curtly. “What the hell is it?” he asked, rubbing at his dirtied skin. “I licked it,” she answered. “I’m sorry, you what?” Levi frowned as (f/n) raised her eyebrows, pursed her lips and shrugged. “You _licked_ it? As in, you stuck your tongue to a door handle thousands of people have touched? _To annoy me?_ ” Though he felt sick at the thought, he also felt mildly impressed at her inhibitions. He remembered how he had cut off men's fingers for less, and was again reminded of just how much he was willing to let this particular woman get away with. “I saw you following and figured you’d be the next to touch it. Worth it, if you ask me,” she said sternly. “Tch. I guess I deserved that,” Levi said, stuffing the cloth in his pocket. “Guess you did.” The two of them stared at each other intensely for a few moments before she rolled her eyes, sighed, and shoved him playfully with her shoulder. He had never been more relieved to see a grin in his life. Again, this woman had managed to put him at ease where so many others had failed. She began to walk back to base, and he gestured to her side, asking “May I?” When (f/n) nodded, Levi fell in line beside her and walked with her in a peaceful silence. As the barracks grew closer the pair stopped beside a huge guard tower at the edge of the training fields and leaned against it for support. They talked about nothing and everything for a long while, until he looked into her beautiful eyes again, feeling hypnotized in the moonlight. “I’m sorry,” he admitted. He was startled when (f/n) laughed and chided, “You sound ridiculous when you say that.” _For god’s sake, woman! What do you want from me?!_ he thought in frustration, as he watched her slide to the ground. Her shirt lifted just a touch as she skimmed her back against the post, showing a sliver of skin it was impossible for Levi to look away from. “Whoa,” she exclaimed as she put her hands on either side of herself, head to her knees. “What made you decide to join the party, tonight, Captain?” He waited several minutes before Levi unexpectedly found himself admitting the truth. “I wanted to find you. I just needed to tell you I knew that I’d been an idiot. I wanted to ask forgiveness and spend my last night before expedition inside the walls with you, even if that meant sharing the time with a crowd of other people." He took a deep breath, "Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you, (f/n)?” “Mm,” she responded. Levi crouched in front his newest, yet dearest friend, swallowed and tilted her chin up to meet his face. “I’m trying to say that to me, no one-“ he paused, “How many drinks did you have?” his admission derailed by a pair of swimming (e/c) eyes. Drowsily blinking at him, (l/n) mumbled, “Uhh…” then looked down to count on her fingers. When she reached fingers on the second hand, Levi clasped them together, knowing there was no point counting further. “Ok. Ok. Apparently, just enough,” Levi replied, raising an eyebrow in amusement. He shook his head as she nodded hers. He knew exactly what had happened. He had been there before. As soon as she sat down and stopped moving, all of the shots crashed into her like an unstoppable freight train. Standing, he scooped (f/n) off the ground and began carrying her to her barracks. His breath stuck in his throat when she leaned into him further and smiled peacefully, hand resting against his chest. Once he had laid her in bed, shoes pulled off, covers raised, the usually detached fighter could not help but to linger a moment at the bedside. He tucked a soft (h/c) strand of hair behind her ear and whispered goodnight. Levi left for his own barracks still shaking his head, with a grin on his face, ready to face any Titan single-handedly.


	7. ThatGingahNinja

**NOTE: A touch of smexiness for your day.::

 

You had been having a most realistic dream about being held against Captain Levi’s warm, well sculpted chest. It seemed like you could still hear him breathing over you, and…poking you in the head repeatedly? Cracking one of your (e/c) eyes, you groaned when you spotted Sasha sitting on the edge of your bed with a glass of water in one hand and a half-eaten breakfast roll in the other. “Nooooo,” you whined, pulling white sheets over your head.

“Yes,” she retorted, ripping them back off. “We all have to be in formation shortly when the squads ship out. I thought you could use some breakfast after last night. I brought you a drink and an extra roll I snatched.”

You smirked and narrowed your eyes at the large bite that was missing. Looking at your friend in amusement, you laughed. “I know!” she exclaimed, blushing at her feebleness against a piece of bread. “It just looked so warm and delicious and it has cinnamon on top! How was I supposed to resist a bite? I was famished after all of the drinking!”

“You’re famished after all of the _everything_! Food isn’t the cure for me, I’m afraid.” you teased. “Thanks, Sash,” you said as you sat up and took the water. “I don’t think I could eat right now, anyway. You finish it.” Blaus didn’t hesitate to accept the offer.

“Hurry up, (f/n)! You don’t want more work detail. Maybe next time it will be us heading out instead of cleaning other people's messes,” she called hopefully as she walked back out of the bunk house.

‘Yeah, next time,’ you thought to yourself. You stretched and swung your legs over the side of the bed. Looking down at yourself, you noticed you were still in the pants from last night. Your face flushed as you stood to ready yourself for the day, knowing it meant Levi must have gotten you the rest of the way to your bed. As you dressed in your uniform, you wondered if maybe it hadn’t been a dream after all. The blush grew as you remembered more of the ‘dream’ and wondered if there had been actual confessions as well. You vowed you would ask him, but not today. About to face a wilderness of human-devouring Titans was not the right time to ask your captain if he had feelings towards you.

The door opened, and Ymir stood in its frame. “You are just useless,” she said out of the blue.

“I’m sorry, what?” you glared, startled at her unwarranted rudeness.

“You’re never going beyond the wall at this rate, (l/n). It seems you have no brains under that sexy (h/c) hair of yours,” she taunted. “You managed to get yourself in trouble again,” she rolled her eyes.

“How?” _What could you possibly have done wrong this early in your day?!  
_  
“Captain Jackass is being a hard-nose about you missing meal call. He told me to send you to see him before formation,” she responded, crossing her arms and leaning in the hall.

You tried valiantly not to blush in front of her. “Fine. I’ll go over to the office now, before we get called to load everything.”

“Nope. He’s not there; said he had too much to get prepped,” the cadet stated. “He asked me to send you to his quarters,” she added suggestively.

Your face blazed with embarrassment. “Ymir! I…why would you say it like that? That man is impossible! Everyone knows it. He-”

“Relax, (f/n)! I was kidding. I doubt Lance Corporal Hyper-focused has even thought about such things in years,” she said smirking, while studying your face carefully. It felt like she was probing inside your head, fishing for some type of admission you weren’t easily going to give.

“Right,” you laughed awkwardly. Slipping into your uniform jacket, you then put your arms around the tall woman. “You better come home safe, Ymir. I don’t think I’ll be able to shoulder Krista’s broken heart.” She nodded and smacked the back of your head. “Ow! Geez! Thanks for the message from the captain!” you shouted as you headed out to the officers’ barracks across the yard.

“You’re wel-come!” she sang after you cheekily.

You smoothed your (h/c) ponytail as you reached the captain’s quarters and rapped twice on the door.

“It’s open!” you heard from somewhere inside, so you let yourself into the room. Scanning, you didn’t immediately see anyone, but you heard his familiar voice. “I read over the reports and I don’t see how it’s possible for my team to go the same route as yours.” His voice grew louder as he approached from his bedroom, and your lust for him ignited when he appeared, buttoning the remaining lower buttons on his shirt. His dark hair was still damp from a recent shower and had never looked sexier. It was combed back, revealing more of the smooth close-cut portions on the side. You assumed, when it dried completely, the strands fell into their normal resting places. He took the tail of his shirt and began tucking it into his uniform pants. You had never wanted to switch hands with a person more in your life. “I think it would make more sense-“ he was interrupted by you clearing your throat. Hands reaching down the front of his slacks had been too much for you to endure.

He jumped as you startled him. “Jeez, (f/n)! I thought you were Smith. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Ymir told me y-you ordered me h-here after missing meal call,” you stuttered, willing your eyes to look up from his pants. You chose to fix your eyes on his boots instead.

He nodded in recollection. “She misunderstood. It wasn’t an order,” he returned smoothly. “I only wanted to make sure you were well after last night. I wasn’t sure I would have the chance to come to you before the squads leave today. You were pretty gone when I took you to bed.”

You couldn’t breathe for a moment, as you focused only on the phrase ‘when I took you to bed.’ Tearing yourself from the lustful thought, you smirked at him. “You were _worried_ about me?” you questioned, surprise in your voice.

He paused pulling the top half of his harness over his shoulders. Eyes widened, tripping over his response, “No! As a-a colleague! I only meant that I-! Y-you were the one…shut up, brat!” His cheeks reddened slightly.

Your heart swelled in your chest. _Maybe he’s not as blind as he seems_ , you thought to yourself. “Only teasing, sir,” you said. Your voice was full of its intended double-meaning as you boldly stepped forward and buckled the remaining harness strap across his chest. Your hand rested there for a second and his eyes burned hungrily into yours. 

He stepped back. “Of course,” he said hoarsely as he pulled his jacket from a chair and slipped into it. Spotting his white cravat in his pocket, you stepped towards Levi once more, fingers anxious to touch his body. You didn’t take your (e/c) eyes off of his slate ones as you pulled the cravat into your hand and then around the back of his neck. As you tied it slowly, you felt his breath become ragged against your hands. Closing the gap further between your needy bodies, hands rested against his chest, you said, “I wouldn’t mind, you know? If you did worry about me, sir.” You leaned forward, sure your lips were about to meet, when he suddenly backed into the wall.

“I can’t. I’m sorry, (f/n). I can’t do this,” he breathed out, heels of his hands pressing into his temples as his fingers tugged at his hair.

Dejected. Humiliated, you turned rapidly for the door, making a quick step to get out of the room. “Fuck it,” you heard Levi’s voice behind you, as an arm snaked around your waist, turning you forcefully to face him. He searched your eyes for a moment and then cautiously put his lips to yours. Both mouths trembled against each other slowly, coyly. The kiss quickly turned from timid to passionate as you slid your hand to the back of his head, delighting at how soft his freshly shaved hair felt to your touch while you skimmed your fingers to finally run through the black layers on top.

Levi’s arm still linked around your waist, he lifted you into his body slightly, moving his free hand to your cheek. His thumb gently caressed your skin as his fingers stroked your hair. The hand on your waist slid back around and skimmed up the side of your body. Levi’s fingers lightly grazed your breast…shoulder…neck, before he pressed your head greedily against his parted lips, eager to taste more of you. You sighed as desires unloaded one unbelievable moment after another.

Suddenly, the door burst open as Commander Erwin Smith’s voice called out, “Levi! Grab your stuff! Time to load u-“ He didn’t finish as you gasped and pulled away from your captain’s embrace. You gaped from Levi, whose face had immediately returned to flat, to your large, intimidating commander, whose eyes were narrowed accusingly at the two of you. You stood briefly at attention, hand clutched to your chest.

“I’m sorry, Commander Smith!” you said forcefully.

“Dismissed, Private!”

“Yes, sir!” You didn’t look back at Levi as you hurried to find the rest of your squad before the troops deployed.

Later, while you stood at attention with your corpsmen, watching the squads move out, you noticed with misery that your captain would not even make eye contact with you as he left for beyond the wall.


	8. ThatGingahNinja

*NOTE* This chapter starts with a little something different, in the form of Erwin's POV, courtesy of some encouragement and great Levi/Erwin friend inspiration I received from another deviant. Then it's back to Levi's POV. Hope you enjoy.** *** “Come on, Levi! She’s young! Probably naïve. She hasn’t even been outside the walls yet, for god’s sake! Can’t you keep yourself from seducing the new recruits? I thought that had been out of your system for years now,” Erwin lectured Levi as they carried their gear to be loaded. “It’s not like that!” Levi argued back. Erwin cocked his eyebrow as he loomed over the diminutive captain. The old colleagues made quite an odd pair to people on the outside. Ackerman had his dark hair, light skin, short stature, and even shorter patience, while the commander of the Scout Legion was extremely tall, blonde, tan, with the patience of a damn saint. They had offset one another for years, and by now, the coarse little man before Erwin had become one of his closest friends. “Nine months,” Levi suddenly replied quietly. “Sorry. What?” Erwin asked. “She’s not from the new recruits. She’s been here around nine months now. She's with the 104th Academy crew. You have her cleaning your office all the time. We’ve had two new classes in since then,” Levi replied, more explanative than he had maybe ever been with Erwin. “Good lord, has it really been that long?” Erwin ran his long fingers through his blonde hair. “You don't need to seem offended. I know who she is, Levi, I just didn’t realize that lot had been with us for so much time already,” he mentioned, somewhat bewildered by the usually standoffish man's unanticipated response. He had expected only an annoyed glare and disapproving "tch." Erwin contemplated another moment. “Hang on, man. Are you telling me you’ve been screwing this woman for nearly nine months?!” Ackerman growled, “I told you, it’s not like that! I’m not seducing her!” Smith mockingly added, “That’s not what it looked like from up here. Back in your barracks, I mean.” “That was a mistake. It hadn’t happened before and I won’t allow it to happen again, Commander,” Levi said, voice heavy with remorse. Erwin was puzzled over his friend’s demeanor. They dropped gear into the back of a wagon and headed to the stables. ‘He won’t allow it again?’ ‘Hadn’t happened before?’ It surprised the commander. He had assumed Levi had been bedding the beautiful (e/c) eyed soldier and had just been giving him a hard time after catching the lip-locked pair. All the time the private had spent alone in Levi’s office and today was the first time he had even kissed the woman? That wasn’t the outrageous young man Erwin remembered. “What’s going on, old friend?” Smith offered warmly. “What do you care, old bastard?” As the two walked the long hall of horse stalls, the lance corporal stared at a beautiful blood bay stallion near the end. “Come on, Levi," the commander prodded. "What’s got you so distracted?” Ackerman said nothing as he saddled his horse, looking like he had just returned from a hard fought, hopelessly lost battle. 

“I see,” said Smith softly. Levi nodded his head to acknowledge that his friend had expertly read the situation. Erwin tried to offer what little comfort he could, continuing, “It’s the right decision, Levi. You know that it is. It’s not fair to let people into our hearts in this damned world. Not like that. Not for a couple of battle-obsessed bastards like you and I.” His small friend nodded in agreement. “You know what you always say, ‘We can only choose-’” “So help me, you beast, if you mention ‘regrets’ right now, I’ll knock you on your huge ass, Smith,” Levi spat at his towering friend. Erwin held up a hand to fake a block and retorted, “Just trying to help, punk.” The two men stood with their steeds, waiting for the other troops to arrive. “How is Rose, anyway?” Levi shot at him. The name burned in Erwin’s mind as painful memories flooded in. Scowling at the mention of lost love, Erwin responded, “Screw off, prick.” The pair mounted their horses and headed for the gates. As the tall blonde Adonis moved to the front of the troops, he heard his agitated friend grumble out, “Asshole.” Erwin shook his head and smiled. That was the Levi he needed out there. ================================================= Three weeks later, Levi was still in the field, facing set back after set back. His team had encountered the female Titan again and Eren had run off in his transformed state. Mikasa chased blindly after them like the last time, and the squad followed suit. The female Titan had been badly injured and fled, but not before decimating three members of the captain’s seven member Ops team. Eren was wrecked after transforming, in addition to being wounded, and the crew took cover while he recuperated his strength. After four days, Eren still weak, Levi decided that they could no longer stay in the open. Unfortunately, they were travelling away from the destination point to avoid confrontation for the time being. After a week of Mikasa’s careful care and attention, Eren felt well enough for them to move again, but by the time they reached the rendezvous point, the battle appeared long over. Titans and soldiers lay dismembered for miles. Levi stopped the squad to regroup and plan a different route back to the wall. It was exceedingly tedious at times to ensure Yaeger’s safety. Two nights without major incident, it was the captain’s turn to keep watch. Quiet for the first time in what felt like forever, Levi allowed thoughts of (f/n) to fill his mind. At first the thoughts were warm and soothing. Images from months past poured into his head, like little vignettes of his life with her; The first time she had railed against his offensive demeanor and he had ordered her to bite her tongue; The fourth time when he finally reacted by giving her work detail; Her angry (e/c) eyes flashing when he provoked her to response two weeks later resulting in a horse brush flying, barely missing the back of his head. The punishment for that was office duty, keeping her mouth shut while listening to the captain’s ill-mannered mocking almost every day for two solid months. Levi smiled faintly as he remembered all of the times the frustrating cadet had gotten under his skin. The memories turned from warm to sensual as he pictured (h/c) locks loosening from ponytails, her hands kneading her sweat-kissed neck and shoulders after a day of hard training, her touching a finger to her pink stained lips, the time she leaned completely over his reading couch to retrieve something from the floor (He had quickly ordered her not to do that again.), and the carnal way her (e/c) eyes searched Levi’s for any sign that her longing was reciprocated. That day that he had destroyed everything. Still scanning his current surroundings, Levi descended into his hateful mind once more. In the end, he hadn’t been able to control himself around (l/n), and now she knew that he had been aching for her. Now she would ask questions he didn’t want to answer. He would have to hurt her deliberately to keep her from the whole truth. He could feign that it had all been nothing more than lust that led him into her kiss. He didn’t have to be honest that his feelings were so much more than that. He couldn’t. What right did he have to put that pressure on anyone? Even if she felt the same in return, what right did he have to lay the stress of his duties at her feet? Selfishly, he imagined (f/n) would profess love to him and even still he would deny his heart to her. Then he could carry that small flame with him into danger, safe in knowing she would eventually grow cold towards him, free to move on with someone else. Maybe it would be someone not hell-bent on throwing themselves into the carnage of this world. Levi felt wretched knowing he should be-- that he  _wanted to be_  the one to promise (f/n) all of her dreams, but the way he lived his life, he couldn’t even guarantee he would live to see another tomorrow. Shooting a flare across the sky to buy needed minutes, Levi jumped down from the tree to alert his squad of approaching Titans.


	9. ThatGingahNinja

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have really enjoyed writing so far. I'm glad I decided to try something new. Hope you've been enjoying this reader fic.
> 
> :-D

Four days. That’s how long it had been since the main troops had returned without the Special Ops Squad. Battered and exhausted, the remaining soldiers slowly filtered back to their barracks. You had learned from Ymir that the battle was gruesome. Nearly two dozen men had been lost. Commander Erwin had gotten the information he had been seeking, but at great cost, and the Special Ops had never even arrived to aid them. The crippled troops all waited another day for Levi’s squad before the commander ordered them back to the base. Two more days and you were called to Commander Smith’s office. Standing at attention, he asked if you were ready to get out beyond the wall. Your mind soared. Finally. You pressed your fist to your chest in salute, shouting “Sir! Yes, Sir!” He informed you that he needed a small team with him to go retrieve Special Ops. Something told you the Commander had been lying (You knew Levi could handle himself better than anyone.) but you were so excited that you didn’t dare press your luck by questioning him. Two days out of the wall and your small troop, consisting of you, Ymir, Jean, Sasha, and Smith, found Levi’s squad. You jumped off (h/n) and strode towards the captain. His eyes were wide and his face looked devastated for a moment, but then it broke into its usual condescending smirk. “What are you doing here, brat?” You told him about how Smith had recruited a team to come for them and how even though you didn’t think Levi would need their help, you had not wanted to turn down your big opportunity. Levi’s eyes remained hooded and his expression unreadable, until you asked what had happened to his squad. You listened as he told you about the female Titan attack, Eren’s transformation and injury, finding the troops long gone from the battle site, and the few encounters they had had on their journey home. Your (e/c) eyes grew into saucers as he named the numerous injuries and losses his team had suffered. Except, it was clear he had intentionally not counted his own. “Are you injured?” you requested, clear concern in your voice. “Of course not,” he said in a tone indicating that he would not admit to you if he were. You furrowed your brows at him, specifying you were intent on finding out the truth. He let out a short chuckle at your firmness, and returned, “No more than usual.” You knew it was as acceptable an answer as you would receive, and so you gladly switched gears when he tried to change the subject. Raising an eyebrow, he asked, “So? What do you think?” He gestured to everything around you. “Oh, I think it’s incredible, Captain!” and you launched into all you had seen on your two days beyond the confines of the wall, including the thrill of taking down your first real Titan, the praise Commander Smith had given you, how you had sped (h/n) along just to feel the wind, and best of all, how different the sky was. The clouds were bigger, the blue reached on forever, the stars seemed infinite and sparkled intensely, and even the sun seemed more magnificent out here in the open. You were sure your face was flushed with excitement and you felt breathless recounting all that you had experienced in two short days. “It’s stupid, I’m sure, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt more like I fit into a place than I have out here.” Levi stared into your eyes a moment before saying, “Come with me,” and walking deeper into the forest. After a while of walking, he zipped up a tall tree, stopped on a thick branch mid-way, and waited for you to follow. You laughed at his uncharacteristic playfulness and shadowed him all the way until you broke through the tree tops. Your breath caught in your throat as you beheld all around you, an endless expanse of sky in every direction. Your knees buckled under the weight of your euphoria, and you laughed as your captain caught you. Staring into his striking grey eyes, perfect black hair blowing in the breeze, you thanked him. Linking your arm through the crook in his, you marveled at the reds, oranges, pinks, and purples as the sun began to set for the day. “I mean it, sir. It’s glorious. I don’t think any moment in my whole hollow life could compare to this one.” You looked over to Levi and breathed a sigh of such joyous gratitude, and then, there it was. That grin. Levi’s most rare, most beautiful of moments. He shook his head, closed his eyes, and tilted his face to the sky. ‘Completely and totally relaxed in my presence,’ you smiled to yourself. You remembered the exact same scenarios in his office, and your heart very nearly burst when you realized what it meant. Your beloved captain found you, (f/n) (l/n), as relaxing to his soul as the open sky. Not knowing how you could ever respond to that, you mimicked his movements and tilted your head to the heavens. The two of you stood arm in arm, eyes closed, faces lifted until the light was gone and the stars appeared. You felt Levi’s fingers grasp yours, and you opened your eyes. Tugging your hand, he told you regretfully that it was time to get back to camp. You followed him down through the trees and over to the horses, wishing him goodnight as he headed to a meeting with the commander. What you felt in your heart, that sense of belonging, you couldn’t find words to describe. Instead, you buried your pink face into (h/n)’s familiar comforting neck, concealing your foolish grin. ==================================== The next day the camp was attacked by a deviant Titan, grabbing Sasha in the process but dropping her immediately as Erwin sliced the monster to bits. Jean had caught Blaus before she had broken her neck, but the two still slammed against the ground, leaving Sasha unconscious. It was time to move out and get her back to the safety of the wall. The two teams of nine soldiers raced down the edge of the forest. You were in the rear, eyes focused on your injured friend in the wagon. You prayed furiously that you could get her home in time before anything else happened. 

Instantaneously, (h/n) let out a screeching whinny, and you felt yourselves lifted into the air. A three meter Titan had been lying unobserved and motionless in the tree line, awakened by the thundering hoof beats of military horses. It had reached its hand out to grab its food, barely snatching the last horse that passed by the hind legs. You crashed into the ground but quickly recovered and turned toward your screaming horse. Three strides and you were grabbed from behind, Levi’s voice shouting for you to leave it. “Get off! Get off me!” you shouted, as you kicked and shoved the captain away. You rose into the air with your gear and flew towards the monster’s neck, watching in horror as he poked at your horse like a toy before breaking off one of (h/n)’s legs. With a yell, you sliced into the Titan’s nape, killing it easily. As it came down, your beautiful bay hurtled into the ground. Running to (h/n)’s side, you winced and cried out as you saw his broken and bloodied body. “(h/n)! Oh god! You can't go already!” You dropped to your knees beside him and reached your hand to stroke his still beautiful face, a stream of “noes” pouring from your lips, begging time to halt. (h/n) let out a tremendous gurgling breath and you realized the pitiful creature was still alive, his large brown eye staring at you dolefully. “We just started, (h/n)! You can’t leave now! Who’s going to hug me when I cry?” A hand rested on your shoulder. “Look away, (f/n),” came Levi’s voice. “I can’t,” you replied, still gently trying to comfort your dear horse. Levi knelt beside you. “At least close your eyes,” he said gently as he wrapped one arm behind you and placed the hand over your tear-filled (e/c) eyes. At once, you heard the sound of Levi’s blade plunge into (h/n), and the horse’s muscles went slack to your touch. His suffering was over but you released a sob, sick at knowing what had just transpired. You buried your face against your captain’s shoulder and he allowed you three brief seconds to stay there before standing and tugging your hand. “We have to move. Right now!” You nodded and the two of you ran, both mounting his waiting horse. Levi sped towards the others and you jumped into the wagon as it continued on its course. Sick to your stomach, you watched (h/n)’s crumpled form disappear rapidly behind you. Turning to look at anything else, you gazed blankly at your injured and unconscious friend. Sasha’s head was wrapped and held still in Jean’s lap. He looked up at you like the pathetic creature you were and muttered, “I told you to begin with, (l/n). That’s why you don’t name the damn horse.” Silent tears streamed down your face.


	10. ThatGingahNinja

One more night and the Corps should reach the wall. Resting in their makeshift camp, the captain stood silently against his black horse as he heard conversations from around the nearest tent sites. “Why is (l/n) even here if she’s going to fall apart over a horse?” came Kirstein’s voice. Levi didn’t necessarily disagree, but Jean’s aggravated tone towards (l/n) stirred something angry and protective inside the lance corporal. Eren responded, “Cut her some slack, Jean! It’s her first time beyond the wall. She’ll get over it. We all had to adjust.” Levi recalled how he had helped Eren “adjust” to being outside the cities. The tall female soldier grunted affirmation. “I seem to remember someone vomiting after his first mission, don’t you, Horse-face? I feel like it was someone in this circle,” taunted Ymir. “Shut up, moron!” the red-faced soldier ordered. “You probably pissed your pants the first time Yaeger transformed.” Levi smirked. Turning to leave, he listened as arguments began over who had had the hardest time on their first trip outside the walls. He walked silently through the dark, trying to come up with something clever to say that might ease (f/n)’s pain. Horses were tools for him, necessities to get the job done. That didn’t mean that he could not understand and appreciate that hers had been a friend in times she felt alone. While she spent months on punishment and her friends had all grown accustomed to the Titans, (f/n) had been alone with her (h/n) at the base. She had formed a special bond with the horse, allowing her to easily become one of Survey Corps' best riders. 

Of course she would get over it in time. She would learn to bottle the pain and use it for motivation, growing increasingly numb to the endless destruction their world had to offer…but not tonight. She deserved the right to feel the loss, and Levi owed her after the selfless way she had first comforted him so many months ago. Standing outside of her tent, Levi called her name. No response. “(f/n),” he tried again, peeling open the flap just slightly. She was on her side, facing away from him, (h/c) hair moved softly as he let a breeze through the tent. “May I come in?” Still silence. He sighed. “Are you asleep?” After getting no response again, he closed the canvas. “No,” came her quiet voice from inside. Levi  re-opened the tent. “What?” he asked, feeling suddenly awkward and foolish. How could his closed-off heart offer any relief to someone like her? (f/n) still lay facing away from him as she replied, “No. I’m not asleep.” Levi came the rest of the way inside and sat at the foot of her bed roll. She turned over and sat up, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin atop them. He noticed that her (e/c) eyes looked full of tears but her face showed no signs that she had been crying. Her features looked pale and her hands trembled. She spoke softly as she said, “I’ve been trying to make myself sleep, but when I close my eyes…” she trailed off, turning her head to the side, cheek now against her knees. Levi had never been the comforting type. He wished he could think of the right thing to say so he wouldn’t sound like a jerk. Instead he stayed silent, deciding that offering a listening ear was the best he could do. “I feel like such a pathetic idiot. I mean, I did this to myself. I knew it was a risk. I ignored it. It was one of the first things the trainers taught us, for god’s sake! I used him. I used (h/n) to feel less alone,” she responded like she was trying to talk herself into the notion. “That fault is completely mine, and now I can’t stop picturing his huge brown eyes at the end. I can’t stop hearing your sw-“ she gulped. (f/n) slammed a fist to her leg. “I’m so stupid! What kind of a soldier does this make me? I feel useless. It’s not as if I lost a friend, right? He was just a horse! Just a stupid horse, right, Levi?” she questioned. Head still on her knees, (f/n)’s eyes looked at Levi full of pain and self-loathing. She seemed to be almost waiting for Levi to reprimand her weakness. Without saying a word, the coarse captain felt very unlike himself as he took her arms and wrapped them around his own shoulders. Then Levi pulled her into his embrace, both his arms around her back, one hand urging her head to lean against him. There, on the tent floor, she buried her face against his shoulder and sobbed quietly. Levi’s heart broke for her, and he silently cursed his own weakness for this baffling woman. He felt (f/n)’s hot tears soaking through his white shirt. The captain leaned his head against hers, gently stroking her (h/c) locks while nuzzling against her cheek ever so slightly. “Don’t go,” she commanded, as she tightened her hold on him. “I wasn’t,” Levi assured her. “I know you can’t stay for long, Captain,” she stated; not that Levi particularly cared in this moment about rules, but she continued, “It wouldn’t be suitable for you. I only meant, will you stay with me until I’m asleep. Please? Sir?” He whispered, lips brushing the top of her head, “You didn’t have to ask,” and he placed a tender kiss to her soft (h/c) hair. “I know,” she added. Levi sat holding her that way until she relaxed in his arms and her breathing steadied. Laying her over on her bedroll, the captain placed a gentle kiss next to a tear stained eye. Watching her face twitch as she slept alone with her pain, Levi was suddenly overcome by anger. He crept quietly from the tent, and then walked swiftly to the tent of his commander, Erwin Smith. “Commander,” he called from outside. “Enter,” came his voice. Levi barged inside and shoved the off-guard commander from his chair. “What the hell is wrong with you, you idiot?” growled Levi. Erwin stood, his frame towering over his lance corporal. “Why did you send her out here?” Erwin answered unshakably, “She had to leave the base eventually, Ackerman. It’s her duty as a soldier. We’ve needed her out here sooner and you know it. Top three in her class and she’s more than capable of handling herself on the field, unless you think otherwise. You really want to take that away from her? Do you want me to forbid her to fight?” “Cut the crap, Smith! You know I meant, ‘Why did you send her out here- with me?’ I see your game, and I already knew she would affect me on the field. I thought you understood that before we left! Why the hell would you send her out here like a pawn to test my loyalty?” the fierce captain snarled. Erwin held up his hand to silence Levi as he said, “This has already been affecting your performance, even when she isn’t with you. The Levi I know would have already been back inside the walls instead of having another squad come to fetch him.” Levi scowled, “We didn’t need your help. It only took longer than you expected. If anything, that’s your damn fault for being impatient! You know I would have made it back to base. Don’t give me anymore bullshit excuses, Erwin.” Erwin narrowed his eyes commandingly, “We don’t have time for this! You want the truth? I did use her, you’re right about that.” Levi clenched his fist, “You piece-“ but Erwin held up his hand again and silenced him. Levi knew he could never win in a fist fight against his sizable commander. “I used her to see if you would work harder, focus more, like the Captain Levi I need out here. I thought there might be a small chance you would fight stronger, instead of behaving like a lovesick schoolboy, and that the two of us old fools could both have what we want,” Erwin added sentimentally. He paused and looked at Levi with concern before finishing, “It’s obvious that you can’t.” Levi turned his gaze downward at the reprimand. That wasn’t fair. He hadn’t even had the chance to sort out his feelings for (f/n) when they were safe in the walls. Of course he wouldn’t be on his game with her out here, but he knew Erwin didn’t give time for adjustment. It was always do or die with the commander. “That’s why,” Erwin said, “I’m taking you off the field. You’re suspended from all military duties for one month.” Levi’s heart dropped to his feet. “You can’t do that!” he shouted. “I can and I am. I make the calls, and I expect you to use the time to forget about this shit and get back to work. We both know that you’ll never be able to give up the fight, but I need you off the battlefield until you can focus again.” “That’s shit! Give me a chance to prove myself! When have I ever let you down, Erwin?” The Survey Corps commander stood unyielding as he eyed his best soldier. It was clear nothing Levi could say would change his mind. “Don’t take me off the field, Commander,” Levi ordered. “Sorry, old friend. You don’t have a choice. I’ll arrange a room for you over the pub. Use the month to do whatever you have to do to get this woman out of your mind. Push her away. Make her hate you. Screw her and get it out of your system. Hell, screw the whole base if it helps!” “Fuck you,” Levi scowled crassly at his commanding officer. “Look, I know none of this is what you want. Just do whatever it takes. Surely you’ve had feelings for other women in your life, but then you got your crap together and just moved on, Levi. You need to focus on anything else. You can’t afford to care about her. I can't allow you, as our best fighter, to be distracted pining over this woman” the big blonde said cautiously to his friend, grasping at whatever straws he could find. “I’m not pining over her, idiot! I love her! Don't you see that shit?!” Levi shouted, furious at the situation that led to this moment. He flipped the commander’s chair across the tent and stood with his back to the man. His defeat felt thick in his throat. “I’m in love with her, Erwin.” “I see,” Smith said quietly. He put a large hand to Levi’s shoulder, but Levi jerked away from the touch. The captain’s heart shattered as he heard his commander say, “Better make it two months.”


	11. ThatGingahNinja

After you had given yourselves a day to recover, you and your friends went back to the daily training routine. Everything seemed just as it should be until you had been assigned your new horse. You weren’t accustomed to the young mare and you were discouraged by how much your skills in riding suffered. You even fell once while attempting to stand on the saddle, normally one of your stand out skills as a soldier. You struggled to make it through training that day, picturing (h/n)’s horrible final moments over and over. 

Yet, any second that you felt overwhelmed by sick pain, you imagined being back in the tent, wrapped in the arms of Captain Levi. So once the horses were stabled for the evening, you searched for Levi, hoping he could at least offer encouragement, but he was nowhere to be found. It took a week for the rumor mill to trickle down to you. In the mess hall, for breakfast with Sasha and Jean, was the first you had heard mention of it. 

“I heard it was a forced sabbatical,” one of the younger female soldiers said scandalously. You and Jean glanced at one another, acknowledging that you had both been eavesdropping.

“I heard they drug him out of here shouting like a mad man,” another disgusted voice said. You strained to hear more information. “It’s shameful if you ask me. I don’t believe for a second that he could have been ‘Humanity’s Most Powerful Soldier.’” Your eyes widened and you choked on the sip of water you’d been drinking. Even Sasha paused mid-bite, face stunned and panicked at the news. 

“That can’t be true,” Blaus whispered quietly. “Our army can’t function without Captain Levi, right?” You shushed her and continued to listen.

The arrogant young soldier’s voice continued, “I mean, did you see the size of the man? No way he takes out scores of monsters. And his attitude was detestable!”

“I don’t know, Lucas,” said another new recruit in their group. “That Reiner guy seemed to think it was really him. All the higher ups seem shocked about it.”

You stood from the table, dodging Jean’s cautionary grasp, and strode over to the younger cadets. Tapping the first boy on the shoulder, you smiled a tremendously fake smile and asked, “Excuse me? Lucas, was it? What exactly are you talking about?”

The boy stood. He was at least 6 feet tall and must have considered himself some kind of a big shot judging by the reaction of his friends, but he clearly did not understand how things worked in this army. You frowned at him as he suggestively asked, “What’s in it for me if I tell you, honey?” while laughing as he gained a few juvenile titters from his peanut gallery.

You pursed your lips and nodded as you broke into a fake smile and short chuckle. Then you forcibly grabbed the boy by his collar and drug him down to your level. Speaking in an exceptionally threatening tone, you growled, “Listen here, you little punk! I don’t know who the hell you think you’re talking to, but around here, when someone with higher rank than you asks you a question, you damn well better answer her.”

Fear etched on his face, he stuttered out, “Yes, ma’am! S-sorry, ma’am! We were just talking about Captain Levi’s suspension, ma’am! I didn’t know officers would be around to monitor the gossip!” He looked like he might vomit.

You rolled your eyes at his pathetic sniveling. “Some more advice, Private? If someone pulls rank on you, at least check for some insignia to see if it’s true,” you avowed. His friends guffawed as he shook with humiliation, and you ran off to find Eren. 

Confirming that your captain had indeed been given a forced suspension by the commander, you yelled at Yaeger for not telling you sooner. He admitted that, for whatever reason, he and Mikasa had been specifically instructed not to mention it to you by Erwin Smith. You seethed with anger and stormed off, leaving Eren shouting, “(f/n)! Wait! Don’t do anything foolish!” You barely heard him as the rage buzzed in your ears. “Anything foolish” was exactly where you were headed.

 

You slammed open the door to your commander’s office and growled at him, “Why’d you do it?”

Erwin glanced coolly up from his paperwork, before turning back to it, responding, “You will wait for permission before entering my office, Private.”

Scowling at pretense you currently cared nothing about, you stepped back, closed the door, and knocked. “Permission to enter, Commander Smith, sir?”

“Enter,” came his voice. Shooting daggers at him with your stare left him unfazed as he sarcastically said, “Oh. Cadet (l/n)! What a pleasant surprise! How may I help you?”

“Permission to speak freely, sir?” you quipped, your glare growing icier by the second.

“We’ll see, (l/n),” he said, motioning for you to sit down.

You chose to continue standing for your words. “Why would you suspend Captain Levi, sir? What could he possibly have done to merit this?” 

The calm blonde firmly responded, “That’s not your concern, (l/n).”

Ignoring that point you pressed forward. “It doesn’t make sense, Commander. You don’t suspend the best soldier you have for no damn reason!” you spat.

“Watch the language to your commanding officer, soldier,” he warned, blue eyes flashing briefly with rebuke.

“Sorry for my brazenness Commander, but you can’t do this to him, sir!” you pushed.

“Why the hell does everyone keep telling me what I can or can’t do?” he responded incredulously. “The last time I checked, I was still the head of the whole damn military! It isn’t your business, cadet, but if it will get you out of my blasted office-! This isn’t a suspension so much as a forced vacation. I mean, he lives above a pub, for shit’s sake!”

“That’s semantics, sir! It's exactly the same thing for him! Please, Commander? How could you take this away from him? He lives for this fight, and you know it. I don’t see what he possibly could have done wrong. Why would you put him through this?” Your heart ached at the words. You knew Levi stood for nothing more than he stood for the fight for humanity. Without it, he must feel lost and desperate, unsure of where he fits into this world.

“Why do you care so much, soldier? Do you have an infatuation with our dashing Captain Levi?” the commander accused. You were surprised at Erwin’s intrusive question.

“Now who’s overstepping the boundaries, sir?! Why do my feelings have anything to do with taking Levi off military duty?”

Erwin considered saying nothing for a minute before answering, “Because if you really do care for him, you’ll leave him alone.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll what?” you questioned. Had he gone mad? How was this any of his business in the first place? It wasn’t as if you’d been following the captain around like a hopeless puppy, begging for attention. Why would this man punish Levi if some young soldier was in love with him? You stopped in your tracks as you admitted your love for your captain to yourself for the first time.

“He has to be focused on this war. I can’t have him falling in love and throwing away all that we’ve worked for. He doesn’t have time to worry about a romantic relationship with anyone,” Erwin reasoned.

“Hold on, a minute. Are you saying you suspended him to keep him from me?” you quipped, furrowing your brows at the commander like he had truly gone insane.

“To get over you, and to give you time to get him out of your head and stop clouding his mind, yes.” You searched his stern blue eyes for some sign that this was all some nasty joke…a prank from a man with a disturbing sense of humor. You found none.

“You benched your best soldier because you refuse to let him even have the idea of anything in his life besides war? Sir, we haven't even talked about beginning a relationship in the first place!”

“No. I benched my best friend because he can’t afford to face the pain love brings and become distracted from his true purpose.” You could tell the man was becoming intolerably agitated with your audacity, but you didn’t care.

“Some friend!” you scoffed.

The commander’s voice became more aggressive as he added, “When it comes down to it and he has to choose between you and his fight, you know he’ll choose the war.”

You threw yours hands in the air, eyes wide in disbelief, exasperated over accusations that hadn’t even had cause to happen yet. “I would never ask him to choose, you foolish ass!

“Mouth, soldier!” he barked. You flinched for a moment, but then stared at this unapproachable bear of a man. You felt empathy for him, but also aggravation at his misguided approach towards “handling” his friend. You hadn’t even had time to discuss your own feelings with Levi, and here was this man deciding your whole future on the matter.

“You know what, sir? Pardon my mouth, but screw you both,” you barked back. “Screw Levi for trying to protect me from my own feelings like some simpering 13 year old instead of treating me like a woman. Screw him for not having courage enough to say anything to me himself! And screw you for being the kind of ‘friend’ who takes everything Levi had worth fighting for and forcing him to choose between them!” 

He raised his hands to stop you, but you plowed forward, knowing it deserved to be said. “Let me guess! You still regret some lover lost, broken-hearted you couldn’t chose a simple life with her inside the cities. I’m sorry, sir, but if that's true, that was clearly not meant to last. You could never have been what she needed you to be from the start. It was foolish for you to believe choosing a girl with a family in mind, ‘instead’ of your life’s mission would have led to anything but resentment. And it is foolish of Levi if he really believes that yours was the example of what love has to be for someone who lives to be beyond these walls. I know the risks, Commander! I fucking volunteered for them!  
You didn’t even give him a chance to tell me how he felt himself! You’re both idiots, the pair of you!”

“Are you finished?” Erwin roared. You considered continuing but stood silently at attention. Your heart raced, sure your own trips outside the walls were gone forever. It didn’t matter. You had only experienced its brilliance once, but you knew not a man on this earth needed that life more than your captain. Levi was worth the risk.

“Two month suspension for insubordination. You’re lucky I don’t chuck you out of the Corps completely,” your commander ordered. Flabbergasted, you stood stock still as you let the punishment sink in. “Dismissed, soldier!” You were floored. He had been more than indulgent as you chastised him, yet all the seemingly unyielding man had given you was a two month’s suspension? Determined to make it out of here with your career still intact, you moved to leave.

“And (l/n)?” Smith called gently. He sighed in surrender. “I hear the rooms at the pub are vacant.” He had relented. Erwin felt content that you weren’t about to lead his friend on some harsh siren’s chase and beg a choice of Levi he could never make, leaving the two of you in pieces.

“You’re a real prick, you know that?” you said with an accepting glance, as you shook your head.

“And you’re a complete pain in the ass!” he grinned. As you left, you heard him say with amusement in his voice, “I can think of at least one man who needs more fire like that.”


	12. ThatGingahNinja

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody loves an angsty tortured Heichou, right?
> 
> Don't forget to check out the parts leading up to this. 
> 
> Part One starts here:: [Infuriating Man (Part 1) (Levi x Reader)](http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/548916028) 

Levi sat at the small wooden table in his room above the pub, an empty bottle of whiskey to his left and a full glass in his hand. He took a swig and sucked it through his teeth before swallowing and sitting the glass down again. He ran his fingers through his black hair and stared disappointingly at the eleven empty bottles of liquor lined by the door. He had just wanted to take the edge off of his anxiety when he arrived, but over a week later here he was, still using his crutch to slowly dull the aching and not having bothered to leave this small dark room.

The troubled captain placed his forehead against the table and sighed. He had tried to busy himself since arriving with mindless activities. He had cleaned the motel room thoroughly. He’d done absurd amounts of pushups, crunches, pull-ups on the door frame, working out until his body was drenched and his muscles fatigued. Levi tried solitaire, tossing coins in glasses, bouncing a small ball repeatedly against the walls. He had even resumed his worst habit, smoking. Levi tried whatever he could come up with in order to keep his mind away from his suspended freedom. What worked to get his mind off not being allowed to leave the cities presented another problem. (f/n). 

At first he was angry. Angry at himself for getting in this position, angry at (f/n) for making him fall in love, and then furious with himself again for blaming her. “Make her hate you,” Erwin had ordered. Levi couldn’t even bring himself to say goodbye or to speak to her since the night in her tent, knowing he would only confess everything. He wasn’t afraid that she wouldn’t love him in return. He was afraid that she did. If he gave her a chance to say those words to him, he knew he would disobey all orders for whatever she needed him to be, and Erwin would have his ass. It was fight or be caged for Levi. It always had been.

Levi didn’t imagine for a moment that (f/n) would ever ask him to give up life beyond the walls, as Rose had done with Erwin. Instead his fears took hold when he pictured her mourning the death of her treasured horse and how intensified that pain might be if her lover was killed. His heart broke knowing he could eventually cause her that much suffering. Worse yet, he pictured the total devastation he would experience holding her lifeless form. He didn’t feel like he could overcome such agony, and he was too scared of that prospect to enjoy what might be possible in the meantime. He had never been a man to fear the future, concerning himself with things that hadn’t even happened yet, and the fact that this so affected him was infuriating.

Grumbling to himself, he lit a cigarette and stood up. He took a deep, relaxing drag and sunk onto his bed. Levi kept himself comfortable, wearing only soft, cotton workout pants, trying to relax in his room. His overburdened form sat hunched forward, elbow to his knee, keeping the cigarette held in place. He lay his head back on his pillow as another puff of smoke curled lazily from his lips. Closing his eyes, there was only one place his mind could take him.

There she was, standing before him in his quarters, practically begging him to kiss her. He had felt that intense sexual chemistry between them that morning weeks ago, and still he held back. That is, until he couldn’t. Before she could leave him standing alone, he damned all consequence and seized her waist. As he turned her to look at him, their bodies had finally touched against one another for the first time. The sensation was almost unbearable for Levi. Those (e/c) eyes of hers, ‘God, those eyes!’ gazed with surprise at his sudden boldness. It was impossible for him to turn back from that moment.

As he had cautiously placed his lips to hers, he prayed this was what she had really wanted. Her lips had been everything he had desired for months and here was their moment, at last. As (f/n) intensified their kiss, her fingers in his hair, he felt uncontainable heat flame through his body. He had pulled her tighter against his hips and run his hands up the length of her irresistible figure, finally tangling his fingers in her gorgeous (h/c) hair. Desperate to taste her sweet mouth, he slid his skilled tongue past her lips. His longing to feel her bare skin against his was growing out of control, and then…Erwin.

The spell broken, the sight of Levi's commander quickly reminded him where he was and why he wouldn’t put (f/n) through this. He couldn’t have this special something ripped away by death and gore. He needed Erwin to hear, assuming Smith would keep them apart when Levi was too weak to do so. Nonetheless, he had dwelled on that exceptional kiss for days, until he had seen her approaching him on her horse. When he saw Erwin was the head of her mission, he felt sure it was some kind of test of Levi’s loyalty in the battlefield. When (f/n) appeared before him looking more marvelous than he had yet seen, clearly suited for the wide open sky, he knew he would fail Smith’s test.

As he had shared one of his favorite vantage points from outside the walls with (f/n), he felt something he had never imagined he could. Home. His eyes closed as he relaxed in the thought, the same as he always had in these woods. The young woman at his side added a new completeness that Levi had assumed did not exist. Reluctant for the moment to end, the captain knew it was time to check in with the commander, and had led her back to the camp. As he went to bed that night, he thought maybe it would be worth the risks after all- to have that home for whatever time they could hold onto it. Commander Smith made sure to shatter that brief dream the very next day.

Sitting back up on the bed, Levi groaned over his indecisiveness. Why was this such a difficult decision? How had he gotten here? Couldn’t he have just not taken interest in this frustrating woman in the first place? He cursed himself for such an unfathomable thought and got to his feet.

Walking back over to the table, he took one more long drag from his cigarette before snuffing it in the glass ashtray. “Tch! Filthy," he scolded himself. "She would hate this,” he thought repulsively. “She would hate all of this.” In frustration, he shoved the ashtray off the table. It broke against the floor with a most satisfying shatter. Suddenly his anger unloaded on the bottles lined by the door as he threw them forcefully, one after the other.

CRASH! “What the hell am I doing here?” he shouted to the empty air.

CRASH! “Why can’t I stop thinking of you?”

CRASH! “Why must you be so damned perfect?”

CRASH! “I won’t watch you die like the others!”

CRASH! “Why do I-“ CRASH! “- just want to-“ CRASH! “be with you!” CRASH!

Levi heard footsteps hurrying up the stairs as he blindly grabbed at the last four bottles around the room, in an effort to finish demolishing them all. 

CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!

The door swung open, and the waitress from the pub shouted for him to stop. He continued hyperventilating, standing at defense, last bottle raised above his head, until she again shouted, “You have to stop, sir!” The barkeep walked slowly towards Levi, as if she was approaching a wild animal. “You’re disturbing our customers, Captain,” she said sternly.

He lifted the bottle higher, threatening to throw, “You think I give a damn about your customers?!”

She laughed and admitted that she definitely did not. The woman smiled warmly at the captain and held out her hand. Levi relinquished the last liquor bottle, but as she looked at the shards of shattered glass littering the room, she let out a bemused sigh and dropped the last one to the floor. Levi actually felt tension ease as the gratifying task was completed.

Breathing heavily, he slumped into the wooden chair at the table. The waitress grabbed the broom in the corner and began sweeping all of the glass to the edge of the room. As Levi calmed down, he felt stinging on his chest and hands. Looking down he saw several slices he had caused with the flying slivers of broken bottles. He winced and put pressure against his palm. As the waitress swept around the table she noticed.

“Here. Let me help,” she said as she knelt in front of him and wrapped a spare towel from her apron tightly around Levi’s hand. She smiled up at Levi, and hateful words filled his mind…’Push her away.’ He stared at the beautiful waitress, her long blonde curls falling enticingly over her breasts, which she wore pressed together in a corset and long skirt. ‘Make her hate you,’ came Erwin’s words.

The waitress noticed Levi’s aroused glance and pressed herself up, bracing her hands on the captain’s knees. “Let me help you, Captain,” she said again, this time seductively, inches from his mouth. She pressed her lips to Levi’s and kissed him hard as Erwin’s words ran through Levi’s head again. ‘Make her hate you.’

“No,” Levi said aloud as he pulled away from his weak temptation. His mind raced as he looked at his hands and quietly told the blonde to get out.

“Come on, Captain,” she persuaded. “Someone like you, fighting for the rest of us every day, you don't need to be this tense” she added as she stroked his cheek reassuringly. The lance corporal’s eyes grew wide as he took notice of his dangerous surroundings. The seductive waitress lifted her skirt and straddled Levi’s lap, adding sensuously, “I’d be happy to help make you forget your troubles.”

Levi stood rapidly and backed away, knocking the chair over and throwing the girl on the floor in the process. “I said, ‘Get out!’” he cried furiously as he forcefully pointed to the door.

She winced and got to her feet, throwing the broom at Levi’s head, which he caught quickly. “Clean it your damn self, asshole!” she responded disgustedly, slamming the door hard behind her and scattering the piles of glass shards.

Surveying the destructive significance of the mess surrounding him, Levi dropped to the floor and cried.


	13. ThatGingahNinja

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly different gears. I hope you still like it. I mean, I have to set up for a Levi beast mode, right?    

Two Military Policemen escorted you as you gathered your things in the bunkhouse. Sasha, Ymir, and Krista burst into the room, bombarding you with questions.

“I told you that you were going to get yourself kicked out!” scolded Ymir.

Krista questioned, “What did you do, (f/n)? Who did you mouth off to this time?”

“Commander Smith,” said one of the MPs, a little impressed at your gall.

“No talking!” ordered your other, more experienced escort.

The girls stared at you wide eyed, and you gave them a little half-smile and a nod that it was true.

Remembering your reaction during breakfast and completely ignoring the reprimanding look she received from the older MP, Sasha added, “Was this about Captain Levi?”  

“You are not to respond, (l/n),” cautioned your guard as you finished loading a small bag. 

You met Blaus’s eyes briefly before looking away, embarrassed that your friends would all begin putting the pieces together shortly. They would think you had a schoolgirl crush on your commanding officer, and why shouldn’t they? In all of the time that your feelings had been developing, you hadn’t shared any hint of them with your friends. That is why you were surprised to hear Ymir exasperatingly call, “It’s about damn time!”

“How-“ you began, but you were cut off by the same MP as they began escorting you off the base.

“The man can’t keep himself away from you!” added Krista. “I realized it the night he showed up at the pub. Not once in all of our time here has the captain joined the regular recruits at the bar, but suddenly, there he was. You quit our game and left, and Captain Levi was gone almost immediately after.”

Sasha began, “I thought maybe it was just infatuation on his part. Ya know, hot (h/c) complex or something? I mean, until I saw you with him on the field. (f/n), you’re in love with him.”

You stopped in your tracks at the large gates that led out of the base and into the town. You wanted to talk more to your friends and apologize for not sharing, but you were not allowed.

“Here are your papers,” said the younger of the two guards. “You may return for service in 60 days.”

As the gates closed behind you, you heard Ymir shout, “Do something about it, (f/n)! Don’t have yourself suspended for nothing, idiot!”

You turned to see the three smiling at you as the gates closed, and you smiled back. Sighing and running a hand through your (h/c) locks, you tried to come up with your next move. You weren’t sure you were ready to see Levi just yet, so that meant the pub was out for now. You suddenly felt hungry and decided it was time to find something to eat. Carrying your bag, you walked several blocks until you smelled something appetizing and followed the scent into a small, darkened diner. Sitting down at a corner table, a small, bearded man in an apron shouted across the counter to take your order. You replied and then settled in to wait while the food cooked.

You closed your (e/c) eyes and tried to think of what you would say to your captain when you finally did see him. You knew he was uncomfortable with emotion, and so you could not really fault him for not coming out with some grand gesture, but you still felt disappointed that he hadn’t even told you he had feelings for you. You needed to hear him say it. You had known he felt it was more when the pair of you stood relaxing in the treetops, under the expanse of the fiery sky. You could feel what was there between the two of you clearly. Your souls were both so at peace and for the first time since you were a child, you felt free. There in Levi’s embrace, your spirit was at home.

Had the Titans not attacked the next day, you would have been able to confess to him your feelings. Perhaps even your emotionally deficient captain would have found the pluck to confess to you himself. Instead, he got himself suspended, and the first time you got a chance to hear about his feelings, it was second hand from Erwin Smith. You could only assume that Levi had gotten himself into trouble with his commander after he had watched you suffer the loss of your horse, (h/n). 

Levi should have yelled at you. He should have told you that you were too soft. There was no way the lance corporal of the Survey Corps could have thought losing a horse in battle was that big of a deal, not after the countless losses he had experienced. You waited for him to tell you off, feeling as if it would be well-deserved. Instead, he held you and let you cry. He stroked your hair while encouraging you to let out your pain. While he didn’t coddle you and tell you that he understood why you were so hurt over an animal, he didn’t berate you for it either. He had listened quietly as you mourned and held you tenderly as you wept. As you cried into his strong shoulder, you felt that this man might even love you.

You decided that after your meal, you would face him and give the stubborn man a chance to be emotional. You would wait there in his motel room and allow him time to confess. If he still would not, you would. You would tell Levi either way that you loved him and let the words fall as they may.

As you sat enjoying your meal, you saw a big, brawny guy reach across the counter and grab the fry cook by his apron. You couldn’t hear what was said, but you noticed the fry cook desperately catch your (e/c) eyes. Was he asking for help?

Standing up, you asked sternly, “Is there a problem here?”

The big guy turned around and replied, “Not at all. Just saying hello to my old friend, Tomas, here. Ain’t that right, Tomas?”

The smaller fry cook stuttered out very unconvincingly, “R-right. That’s right, Mr. Weiss. Please don’t concern yourself, ma’am.”

You sat down slowly as the bully casually headed for the door. About to resume your meal, you watched as he stopped in the door frame, pointed to the fry cook, and said, “Remember. Him and no one else. It has to be him. You don’t want to make my boss angry. Otherwise-“ He gestured like he lit a match and the whole diner had gone up in flames. Tomas nodded quickly, assuring the man such actions would not be necessary.

Not about to let that jerk get away with such a threat, you tossed money on the table for your meal, left your bag by your chair, and stormed after “Mr. Weiss.”

“Hey!” you shouted. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?! You can’t threaten people like that!”

Suddenly, a cloth was pressed over your mouth and nose from behind and you tried to push away, but it was no use. Slumped against your captor, Mr. Weiss walked closer saying something you couldn’t make out as you descended into darkness.


	14. ThatGingahNinja

Levi stood from the bed in his room to answer a knock at the door and was livid to find Erwin standing on the other side.

“What could you possibly want now?” he groaned at his tall, light-haired commander. “I don’t think I can stomach another of your shitty lectures, Commander,” Levi added as he sat at his table.

“Come on, Levi. Is that anyway to talk to me after the gift I gave you? I was trying to give you your own choice for once! I mean, I think it might be the first time I did something just to give you a chance for happiness,” Erwin added, blue eyes shining, clearly feeling he deserved some praise. 

“Happiness? That’s what you think this has been! Is this a damn joke? What’s wrong with you?” Levi scolded. “Did you really come all the way out here for this?”

Smith furrowed his perfectly sculpted eyebrows ( [#sorrynotsorry](http://www.deviantart.com/tag/sorrynotsorry) ) and questioned, “(l/n)’s not with you?”

“You’re really starting to piss me off, Erwin,” Levi warned. 

“I suspended her! I gave her a two month suspension, same as you!” and as Erwin explained how they had fought in his office, Levi began feeling sick. “I swear,” Erwin continued, “I sent her here last week!”

“Last week?!” The captain’s voice was strained as he realized something was very wrong. “Erwin?” came Levi’s simple plea for help. Smith blinked several times, as if trying to confirm this was real, before grabbing his lance corporal by the arm.

“Come on,” he commanded, and the two of them rushed downstairs.

They began by questioning the pub owners and servers before deciding to go back to the gates of the base and begin canvasing from there. Erwin allowed Levi to fetch his gear in case they ran into trouble, and he even added a few extra soldiers to help cover more ground. It took several hours before they finally reached the diner.

When Levi described (f/n)’s (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes to the fry cook, the bearded man said, “I see a lot of people, Mister. I mean, she sounds kind of familiar, but what do I get if I tell you?” Levi growled and jumped across the counter. He twisted the cook’s arm and shoved him to the floor, holding him firmly in place with his knee. In a flash, a knife the captain had concealed was held to the man’s face.

“Stop!” Erwin demanded as he walked behind the counter. “Get up, Lance Corporal!” 

Levi glared at his commander, but complied. As he got to his feet, he poked the knife into the man’s cheek, drawing a trickle of blood, and stepped back. He shot the little, bearded fry cook a look, daring him to stand. The man did not move a muscle. Levi felt Erwin’s hand on his shoulder as the commander began to speak in his most authoritative tone. 

“What you will get, sir, is arrested for withholding information.” Levi glanced up at his friend with a frown on his face. “However, I cannot guarantee that your escort will be very concerned with the state in which you arrive at prison. Perhaps you’ve heard his name before. Captain Levi Ackerman.” Levi gave a satisfied smirk vowing to make sure this man would give him any information he had on (l/n).

“A-Ackerman?” The man stuttered. “You- you should have said so. I have something for you.” He held up his hands to test if it was ok for him to stand. Erwin nodded and the cook got to his feet. Hands still submissively in the air, he sidestepped to the counter and reached beneath, pulling a small bag from below. He handed it to Smith who passed it to Levi.

When Levi opened the bag, his heart sank as he recognized some of (f/n)’s personal affects. He knew then that she had been taken. “Where is she?” he snarled.

“I-I’m sorry, sir. They made me. They blackmailed me. I’m sorry, I-I,” the cook stuttered until Levi grabbed him by the collar.

“Where is she?” He stressed.

Levi and Erwin listened as the man explained how, a week ago, two men had shown up in his diner shortly after the girl. They had been following her, specifically, on the advice of someone called “Voss.” Levi and Erwin exchanged confused looks as they recognized the name of one of their Survey Corps trainers. Levi couldn’t think of any reason why this man would target him or how he would have known that, if he needed Levi’s attention, abducting (f/n) would be the way to do so.

The cook had been informed that they were going to take the girl and that a very specific man would soon come to find her. He was instructed to tell no one other than Levi Ackerman what had happened on penalty of losing his diner. The small man recounted how (f/n) had tried to stand up for him when he was being threatened and how guilty he felt letting her leave the shop knowing what would happen to her.

Levi waited impatiently for whatever information would tell him how to find (f/n). Finally, the diner’s owner pulled two small vials from his apron and placed them in Levi’s hand. Not knowing what they were, Levi glared at the cook, who added, “They told me to say to you, ‘The woods in Shiganshina District.’ They said, ‘We want to know if humanity’s best threat against the Titans will kill a Titan he once loved.’”

Levi looked at Erwin with the horrible realization in his eyes. Long had they suspected that someone was performing experiments on humans which left them the ability to transform into Titans. Eren Yaeger had been their first clue. Then, with the appearance of the intelligent Female Titan, squads were sent to try and discover where these monsters were being man-made. So far it had been just a theory, but the vials in his hand and the cryptic message from abductors seemed to confirm all of their greatest fears.

“Levi, wait,” the commander began. “We don’t know if-“ but it was too late. Levi was off like a shot, running full force in an effort to reach (f/n) in time.

He tried to convince himself that it would not be too late. A week had gone by since she was taken. If he hadn’t been involved with her in the first place, this never could have happened. Now he didn’t even know if he could save her from this awful fate. If he had missed the chance to tell (f/n) that he loved her, he would never forgive himself. 

As he used his gear to race across rooftops towards Shiganshina District, he readied his swords. The Survey Corps had yet to retake the fallen district and it would be filled with Titans. Levi had only one goal in mind and he would do whatever it took to get to (f/n). He plowed through several Titans of various sizes on his way to the woods. It was as if killing the beasts had never been easier for the captain. His blades seemed sharper, feet swifter, and reflexes more enhanced than he had ever experienced. When he finally reached the woods, he slowed briefly, not sure where he was supposed to go next.

Suddenly he was tackled to the ground by Erwin and two of his fellow corpsmen forced his arms to his sides. “I said, ‘Wait,’” his commander ordered firmly.

The captain struggled under the weight of his much larger commander, while shouting, “Get off! Get off me, for fuck’s sake! I have to do this, Erwin! Get off or I’ll fucking kill you!”

“It’s a trap, Levi,” said Erwin, obnoxiously calm in his response.

“Of course, it’s a damn trap! I don’t give a shit! I’m doing this, Erwin. I’m doing this whether you help me or not! Get the hell off my back!” he raged.

“That’s what I’m trying to do, you stubborn bastard! You’re going to have to accept help. You can’t just charge in blind to some unknown facility, facing some unknown foe, like some animal in a frenzy. I won’t let you, idiot!” Erwin’s forcefulness caused Levi to ease up on the struggling. “If you want to get (l/n) out of here, you are going to have to accept our help,” Erwin added, pulling Levi to his feet, but not yet releasing his hold on the captain’s arm.

Levi relented. “I don’t know where to go,” he admitted.

“I think I do,” Erwin replied. “There’s a crack in the wall at the edge of this forest. The team I had searching for these mad scientists found it two weeks ago, just after your suspension. It can’t be from the Colossal Titan’s attack. It’s barely big enough for humans.”

Levi nodded and followed Erwin and the others to the place they were seeking. Erwin stopped him before going through and looked at his friend’s slate gray eyes. “I’m sorry, Levi," he said seriously. "It’s my fault. We must have been too close to discovering them. I don’t know how they found out about (f/n), but I shouldn’t have suspended you in the first place. I should have been a real friend and let you find out for yourself if loving someone in this world is even possible.”

It was the first time the commander had ever made such a genuine admission to Levi. Seeing the regret on Erwin’s face, Levi did not know how to respond acceptably. He put a hand on Erwin’s shoulder and said, “Look, I’ve got my own ideas about whose fault this is and you and I can argue about it later. Right now, we have some dead men to find.”

Erwin nodded and all of the corpsmen in the group climbed through the crack in the wall.


	15. ThatGingahNinja

When you finally came to, it was unnaturally dark. Something was covering your eyes and you were restrained against a hard surface. As you struggled to break free from your ties, you heard a voice.

“You’re finally awake, (l/n). Good,” said the slightly familiar man. As the blindfold came away, you beheld one of your Corps trainers smiling at you.

“Corporal Voss, sir! Thank god! I don’t know what happened. Can you get me free?” you begged.

He smirked and patted you on the head, “No, (l/n). I’m afraid I can’t. It seems my bosses are very interested in you.”

Realization of how you got to this place washed over you as you stared at the corporal. “What did you do?” you questioned.

“My duty!” he snapped. “I hate the Corps, but I was assigned to infiltrate and gain information useful against Captain Levi for our cause. Five fucking years I’ve been in that hell hole, biding my time, 'training' shits like you, trying to come up with any sign of a crack in that man’s resolve!”

Your (e/c) eyes grew in disbelief as he continued, “Imagine my frustration to learn that the great captain had been suspended from the base. Ordered to discover his new whereabouts, I snuck to his office and found nothing! I thought, if I could get into Smith’s office, there might be more information. When I crept to the door, I was startled and annoyed to hear raised voices. About to hide and wait for a better opportunity, I finally heard it. I feel so lucky to have been standing there at that moment.” A sickening grin spread over his face. He seemed disturbingly delighted and you wondered what "cause" this psychopath could be involved in that would not want soldiers protecting humans from Titans.

“It was you, (l/n). My lucky charm. A damn gift dropped right in my lap after all those years,” he replied, running his finger down your face. You shuddered away from his disgusting touch.

“’Are you infatuated with our dashing Captain Levi?’ I heard Erwin ask you. I listened with glee to the remainder of your conversation, discovering that missing chink we would need to draw the captain to us. To imagine that man could actually love anyone, I- Well, I was thrilled, to say the least. When I heard the commander suspend you, it was too good to be true. I rushed to my quarters, making contact with my superiors immediately.”

Your face fell as you listened to Voss’s twisted tale. “They gave me my orders to retrieve you and to act right away. It was easy to follow you to the diner and abduct you with the help of Mr. Weiss.   
It’s fantastic really. He thinks we’re going to turn you into a monster, when he was our target all along. With Captain Levi as a Titan on our side, we will be unstoppable!” he finished as two men in lab coats and surgical masks walked in.

You struggled once more against your restraints and yelled out in your frustration, “He won’t let you do this! You're idiots if you think you can beat him. He’s not going to trade himself for me! Not to become a Titan!”

“Oh, I think he will," Voss replied. "At the very least, my boss will finally be able to talk with him without the beast slitting his throat immediately. He will, eventually, after my friends get done with you. They are very good at convincing people to listen. Experts, in fact,” he gestured to the “doctors.” You noticed the various tools of torture on their rolling metal tables and the syringes in their hands.

“No!” You screamed as you struggled fiercely. 

“There, there, my dear. Just relax,” said one of the eerily soothing voices, injecting the contents of his syringe into your arm.

"He won't even give you a chance to make your deal. If he comes for me, he'll kill you. He'll kill all of you," you argued. 

The three men laughed, though Voss did appear a little uneasy. Your fighting body gradually went slack, and Voss ran his clammy hand down your face again, stopping to grip your chin. “I have to say, the captain certainly has good taste,” he leered at you. He leaned in closer, wretched breath filling your senses. “Thank you, truly. When we finish with you, I can finally go home.” Moaning, he put his tongue to your neck, violating you further, disturbingly grazing his teeth and sucking against the skin.

A tear slid down your face, as he stepped from the room and wished his colleagues the best of luck. Another syringe and the darkness was upon you once more.

====================== 

 

You woke in a dark cell, confused as to what was going on and unsure of how you got here. You noticed several injuries to your body and after a while Voss’s tale began to flood back to you. You vaguely remembered torturous moments with the mysterious doctors, and shook in fear. You closed your eyes and told yourself Levi would come for you. He would come and take you away from here, punishing all of these lunatics. You sat in the corner repeating this mantra to yourself again and again.

Shortly after, they reappeared and drug you back to the exam room, clad only in a hospital gown. Strapping you back down, they began with more syringes. Asking you question after question, you tried to focus on anything that would put your mind at ease. “Laughing late nights in the barracks with friends. Levi. Hours spent brushing (h/n). Levi. Commander Smith commending you on your first official Titan kill. Levi. The sheer joy of being beyond the wall. Resting arm in arm with Levi, feeling like you had finally found home. Your oath to Survey Corps. Levi.” Eventually, you blacked out again.

===================

You woke in a dark cell, confused as to what was going on and unsure of how you got here. You noticed several injuries to your body and vaguely remembered something about doctors. It felt as if pieces of your mind were missing. You wondered how many times now you had awoken in this same cell.

Shortly after, you were again restrained in the exam room. More torture. More questions. More trying to hold on to any sane thought you could grasp. The last thing you focused on before losing consciousness another time was feeling your captain’s lips on yours. The passionate way your hands had searched each other. His strong arms pulling you against his body. "Focus," you demanded of yourself. Levi's eyes before he had kissed you that day. It felt so long ago now. His hands in your hair. Lips searching lips. 

Darkness.

======================= 

 

You woke in a dark cell, confused as to what was going on and unsure of how you got here. In the distance you heard shouting, screaming, crashing, fighting. Were you being rescued? But then, how did you get taken? What was this place?

Bursting through the door, you saw the horrified face of Corporal Voss, a trainer you'd had at the Survey Corps. Looking closely, you saw the tip of a blade protruding through his chest. You gasped. As the blade ripped out through the back of the man, he collapsed to the ground, dead. Behind him stood Captain Levi Ackerman and Commander Erwin Smith. Levi was a frightening site, eyes wild, covered in blood and gore. You let out a terrified scream.

“(f/n)!” shouted the captain. Erwin held keys in his hand and the two men rushed to release you from your cell. Immediately, the captain clutched you into his arms. “Thank god! Are you alright? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry it took this long. How did they hurt you?” he asked, concern apparent in his voice. He placed soft kisses on your face and you broke out of his arms.

Staring at him in surprise, you stuttered, “Captain L-Levi, sir! I’m sorry, but please restrain yourself. I don’t know what I’ve done to give you the wrong impression, but your forwardness is making me uncomfortable. Please just get me out of here, sirs.”

He exchanged looks with his commander, as you backed further away. “(f/n)?” the captain questioned. “What have they done to you?” You couldn’t understand why the captain of Special Ops was staring at you so intensely. Why would such a notoriously emotionless man be seemingly wrought with both grief and relief just from rescuing a member of his Survey Corps?

Looking down at your massive cuts and bruises, needle punctures, and the gore that had rubbed off of Ackerman onto you, you replied, “I-I can’t remember,” and sank to the floor in the peaceful black once again.


	16. ThatGingahNinja

Waiting in Hange’s office at the Corps hospital, Levi held his head in his hands, remembering the events of the last four days.

When he and the other soldiers had come through the crack in the wall, they had discovered a small hatch leading to an underground maze of bunkers. They searched the rooms, restraining any stray man they found. Asking for (l/n)'s location, Levi was particularly violent in killing when these men had no answers. They might as well have been Titans the way he was responding. Erwin stared concerned at his friend. The almost always spotless fighter did not even appear to be aware of the mess in which he was covered. They were prepared for a springing trap and searched each room with caution, until they came upon a large exam room. Levi saw metal trays full of torturous instruments covered in fresh blood, as well as fresh blood on the table and floor. He felt sick as he imagined who it likely belonged to.

Suddenly a team of masked men entered the room and began attacking. They were barely a match for the well-seasoned captain and his commander’s team. Blades swiftly sliced throats or abdomens, spilling gore chaotically around the room. Ripping the mask off of one of the attackers, Levi saw Corporal Voss’s face staring back at him in fear. Voss ran, but Erwin quickly dropped him with a kick to the gut. Flying to his throat, Levi wrapped his hands around the man’s neck and squeezed forcefully.

“Where is she, you son of a bitch? Where is (l/n)?” he shouted. 

Gasping for air, Voss managed to squeeze out, “Don’t kill me! I’ll tell you!”

Picking him up by his collar with a single large arm, Commander Smith slammed Voss to the exam table, as the other men restrained his limbs. Narrowing his brows, Erwin spit at the traitor’s face. “You’ll tell us everything,” commanded the intimidating blonde.

They listened as Voss spilled secret details of the facility, his infiltration for the last five years, how he had learned the captain’s weakness for (l/n), and the reason they had truly lured him here. “It doesn’t matter what you do to me,” he explained. “I won’t make it out of here alive at this point, and if Levi doesn’t agree to submit to their experiments, none of you will either.”

“We’ll see,” said Erwin.

“Where is she?” Levi demanded again.

Voss explained that he could only lead them there, not tell them. They released him from the restraints and Levi stood behind him, both swords to the man’s back. “One wrong move, Voss,” the captain threatened and Voss nodded that he understood.

While walking through the endless maze of bunkers, Voss tried desperately to convince them that they should all run, explaining that by now a full battalion would be blocking the way they had entered. Erwin told Voss not to be “concerned” for their safety and leaned over to whisper something to one of his men, who quickly headed off alone.

As they stopped in front of a small locked door, Voss seemed to have given up any hope for survival. Unlocking the deadbolts, he taunted, “I see what you like so much about (l/n), sir. She really does taste delicious.” The words had barely left his lips before Levi’s blade had plunged completely through the man, knocking the door open in the process. As he removed the sword and Voss fell to the ground, his stare fixed on (f/n). She screamed and backed into the wall of the tiny cell. 

She was alive, but clearly terrified. He rushed to her, eager to touch her and confirm this wasn’t a dream. As he embraced her, she felt stiff in his arms. He looked over her battered frame and cursed himself and her captors for the pain she must have endured. Her eyes were deep set and blood shot. Her skin looked drained of color, puncture marks and cuts lining her limbs, and she was stitched in various places. She backed away from him, and Levi’s soul crumpled as he realized she didn’t remember any romantic feelings between them.

Before she could hit her head on the floor, Levi scooped her in his arms as she blacked out. His devastated thoughts caused him to stand with her, frozen, until a voice rang out behind them. Erwin pulled Levi forward and they followed the soldier that Smith had earlier sent off on his own. The commander had ordered him to search for a way out and he shot off to obey. The corpsman found a room full of explosives and made a back door instead.

They crawled through the crumbled hole to the ground above and found themselves in the open somewhere far beyond the wall. It was barely visible in the distance. Erwin ordered them to run and they headed east to try and make it to the next district entrance. It would be a several day journey with no horses, but that wasn’t about to slow this team down.

The captain carried the unconscious (f/n) the entirety of the first day, not accepting any offers to help him from the other men. He sat vigilantly beside her that night, determined to guard her from any danger. When the sun began to rise, Erwin demanded that Levi take a break. Ackerman argued fiercely, but relented when his commander threatened to knock him unconscious as well.

As late afternoon approached that second day, Levi recognized the woods around them. He knew it held a refuge in some caves and led the men to the entrance for safety, deciding now was a good time to stop before dark. Setting up a primitive camp inside, the soldiers leaned back against the cave walls and rested, except for Levi. He leaned against the rock wall opposite of (f/n)’s sleeping form and watched anxiously. Finally, she began to stir.

Levi practically jumped to her side when he heard her call out, “Captain?” It took everything in him to hold himself back from her.

“I-We’re here, (l/n). A whole squad. You’re safe from danger,” he soothed. He told her where they were, where she had been found, and how long they had been travelling. When she questioned why she was taken, the weary captain wasn’t sure how to answer her. He shrugged it off and asked if she wanted some of the food the soldiers had gathered throughout the day. Pulling her small bag from his gear, he reached in to grab the food he had stored.

“How did you get that?” she asked with surprise.

Again, he said nothing. She looked at him puzzled for a moment and then asked, “Does it have my clothes in it?” As she glanced at herself in the filthy hospital gown from her prison, Levi handed over her belongings. She heaved a forlorn sigh, “I feel appalling in this. They touched me in this,” Levi tried to keep it together as rage coursed through him again. She rationalized, "I wish I could wash them off of me right this minute. If only I had a bath."

Levi’s eyes suddenly widened. “What about something better?” he questioned.

Timidly, she responded, “Better than a hot bath?”

Levi nodded, stood, and held his hand out to her. She accepted the help to her feet and followed him as he walked deeper into the caves. After a short while, the cave opened into a beautiful cavern. Gypsum crystals glittered and the dolomite walls gleamed as bright moonlight shone in through cracks in the cave's magnificent ceiling. There was a pool reflecting the green of the gypsum and a dense stream of water pouring from above ground and into the sanctuary.

“What is the place?” she asked dreamily. Levi was mesmerized by her (e/c) eyes drinking in the new sights. He told her it was natural water and that beyond the wall water could be found in so many amazing forms. He described, almost elated, as she listened with delight about rivers, ponds, hot springs, pools, and this…a waterfall. “It’s marvelous!” she breathed. She was truly enchanted.

She turned her beautiful eyes to his gray ones and studied him intently before asking, “Sir? Forgive me if this is out of line, but can you tell me why you were so relieved to see me?” His heart fell into his stomach once more. “In the cell you kissed me,” she added. Levi stood still as a statue, not showing any hint of emotion on his face. She shook her head at the silent captain and his usual response and said, “Only…I get the feeling something’s missing. Parts of my life feel like I dreamed them or like maybe they aren't real. I feel like they took something from me here,” she pointed to her head followed by her heart, “and here.”

Levi could not stand having to explain the whole history between them. There was the chance she might breakdown or reject him after having forgotten the entire time their friendship had developed. He wasn't even sure how her memory was altered at this point. He swallowed thickly and turned his head away from her. “Captain Levi,” she searched, “was there something between us?” His remorseful eyes dropped to the ground. “I see,” she replied. After a long pause, she continued speaking. “I’m sorry, sir. I’m sorry that I can’t remember certain parts of this last year. Or-I can remember, but it seems false. It feels terribly unsettling.”

Levi shook his head. "No. Don't," he tried to reassure her. Of course, she had nothing to apologize over. Again he was struck by her inherent sense of empathy towards him.

She watched him a moment longer before touching her hand to her gown. Sighing, she asked, “I don’t suppose you plan on leaving me in here unattended, do you, sir?” 

Embarrassed at the implication, Levi nevertheless shook his head. “I can’t, (l/n). It’s too dangerous.”

She smiled a little and responded, “In that case,” she turned her back to him, “can you untie these for me?”

Before he could tell himself not to, Levi’s hands trembled to the top lace and fumbled to get it undone. As he loosened the middle knot, he scowled at the large bruising and stitching along her spine. He longed to caress her wounds and tell her he would destroy whomever had wronged her. The last tie rested against the small of her back. As his fingers gently tugged it free, the gown fell open and he glimpsed just the very top portion of her bare body.

“Don’t look,” she said and he quickly turned away. He heard her enter the pool with a deep breath of relief as the warm water washed over her body. Levi could hear the calm splash of water rinsing down her briefly and then heard her come out, surprised at how little time she had wanted. A zip echoed in the cave and the captain knew it was (f/n)’s bag. 

“You know, I don’t remember ever seeing you in street clothes before,” she remarked, and Levi was surprised to look down and see his black cotton t-shirt and gray athletic pants. He had forgotten he was on suspension and had not been in his normal uniform after the last several days that he had faced. “It looks nice,” she complimented.

As he turned, surprised at her approval, to look at her, she pulled dark panties over the same top portion of her backside that he had glimpsed before. He whipped his head quickly away, forgetting she had been naked. No sooner had he done so, however, than she said, “You can look now.”

Levi spun around slowly, knowing she couldn't have pulled on anything else, and his breathing stopped. She stood before him in those small black panties and a cotton athletic bra which clung to her perfect breasts. Her body still glistening with moisture, (h/c) hair wet and stuck against her skin, she looked like a goddess to the captain.

He felt that she was intentionally giving him a generous amount of time to stare, and his face was growing red before she finally replied, “Well?” She looked to his casual clothes and raised her eyebrow. “Are you going to take me to the waterfall, or aren’t you?”

The captain smiled, almost imperceptibly, before removing his clothes down to his own black underwear and stepping towards this beautiful love of his life. She walked backwards into the pool until her body was completely submerged. Levi felt as if her eyes were taking him in as he had done with her, appreciating what she observed. Arriving at the waterfall, they could touch their feet to the cave floor again. She stood under the water and laughed. “This is amazing!” she shouted through its roar.

Levi’s emotions soared as he watched her enjoying herself in this secret place of his, water pouring down her body to the pool at their feet. He felt something stir in him below and took a step closer to her. (f/n) ran her fingers through her hair, wetting it completely, and then stepped closer to the captain with a grin on her face. She grabbed his hands in hers and playfully jerked him under the water. 

After the stress the two of them had been under, Levi was relieved to do something as simple as swimming. She laughed and again dunked his head under the water and he tugged her down behind him. As they swam in the calming underground pool, Levi struggled to hold back his mounting desire. Below the surface again, he playfully grabbed her by the waist and thrust her back to the top. The two of them smiled and paused there in the water awhile before realizing that Levi’s hands were still gently resting on her hips. (f/n) blushed and swam back to the shore, and Levi followed, climbing out to sit on the rocks and drip dry.

(f/n) rested her chin on her knees and stared at the captain, as if she were desperately searching for any memories of the man in this hidden paradise beside her. Memories that didn’t involve orders, arguing, training, or battling beasts. She sighed disappointedly and closed her (e/c) eyes tightly. “I’m sorry,” she spoke out softly. Turning her body to face him fully, Levi saw the guilt and confusion and grief swimming through those eyes of hers he so cherished. She continued, “I’m sorry I can’t remember you. It isn’t fair. It seems like you have a whole life in your head that I know nothing about. I see a side of you here that I thought didn’t exist. I really want to be where you are, but I can’t seem to break through to those memories. I just can’t.”

“It’s ok,” Levi said softly, feeling crushed as another tear slid down her cheek. Suddenly, without any evidence to support the claim, he said, “We can fix it.” (f/n) looked at him, eyes full of doubt. “Hange can. She can fix this. She can undo whatever they’ve done.”

“And if she can’t?” (f/n) inquired.

“Doesn’t matter,” Levi vowed. “If you can never remember what you felt before, it doesn’t matter. You hadn't even told me directly…but I know what I felt and I’m not going to let you go through this alone. Hange can fix this.”

(f/n)’s eyes began to shine with tears and she nodded her head fiercely as she tried to force them back. The pair redressed and joined the others for short sleep. The next day, they finished the trip to the wall entrance and made their way to the Survey Corps Hospital. The pair kept their gaze on one another until (f/n) was wheeled out of sight to begin testing. Levi stayed in Hange’s office through the night, answering questions and waiting on any useful information.

Finally, the following evening Hange came back into her office. Levi sat up straighter, slate eyes expectantly watching his friend for news. His chest tightened when she heaved a great sigh and said, “Shorty? We need to talk.”


	17. ThatGingahNinja

After an exhausting two days of tests, you now sat in a hospital bed as the Corps’ head doctor and leading Titan specialist, Hange Zoe told you her findings and some theories for solutions. She posited that it did indeed appear that you were experiencing false memories that your abductors had somehow implanted into, not only your mind, but also parts of your nervous system so that certain sensations would help trigger the thoughts they wanted you to experience. She drifted off on an animated tangent, growing more excited as she described the probable new method of experimental science. It made you increasingly uncomfortable that she did not seem aware how much glee she was displaying over your tortured brain.

Finally, she caught herself with a look to your uneasy face. “Oh. Sorry, my dear! I can’t help myself sometimes. Methods like these really could help us to even understand Titans more fully! But…I see why you… Anyway, your original memories are most likely still there, just blocked behind these false ones. That would explain why it feels like some of your memories are kind of dream-like for you.”

“And that feeling I have around Captain Levi?” you questioned hopefully.

Hange shook her head, “I’m afraid I don’t know very much about that. He’s always played his feelings about anything close to the chest. I can confirm that the two of you spent months together in the evenings when you were on office cleaning punishment.”

You huffed. “He was never in his office when I cleaned! Nobody was! I remember that all of the officers finished the day at dinner with the rest of us and then those of us on punishment cleaned the base.”

Hange frowned, concerned at your adamancy. “No, (f/n). Levi has never liked to complete his paperwork with other officers in, not in all his years in the Corps. As long as he’s had an office, he has returned after dinner to work in peace.”

“I can’t,” you started and then shook your head and placed your hands over your (e/c) eyes. “I-it almost sounds right, but I don’t remember it that way.”

Hange sighed, sat down on the bed beside you, and placed a comforting hand over one of yours. “There’s more, I’m afraid.” You looked up, pained expression, waiting for whatever the next blow would be. “I really am not sure how to undo this.”

You breathed out slowly, looking back at the bed. It had really been the results you were anticipating, but Levi had showed so much optimism over the idea that you had allowed yourself to believe, too.

“I have some ideas,” the doctor continued, “but they’re all theories, you understand. The first is a solution I’ve mixed to try to counteract what they’ve done, but I’m really working in the dark here. It’s only a prototype, at best, and I’m not entirely sure what side effects it might present. I feel like that might be a last result situation.”

You nodded. “Any other options?”

“Two,” she replied, pushing her thick glasses back in place. “One is for you to find someone with whom to share your memories of the last year; someone who will be able to tell you which are the false ones. It’s important that they won’t describe in vivid detail why they’re false, because getting defensive will just cause your mind to lock down and focus harder on the implanted memories.” You nodded slowly and waited for the animated doctor to continue.

“Secondly, we could give you some kind of a ‘jolt,’ so to speak. Something meaningful or jarring enough to, sort of, break the original true memories to the surface!” she said, a bit too gleefully.

“Like a bump on the head?” you puzzled.

“No! Like electric shock!” she beamed. Seeing your startled face, and aiming for a more at ease response, Hange added, “Or a recreation of something traumatic? No? Maybe a reunion with forgotten family? A place you think you’ve never been but that held great significance for you? Or perhaps a passionate kiss with a previous lover!” 

Zoe laughed loudly as you blushed and began stuttering, “I-but I don’t-I’m not in love with anyone that I can remember!” You groaned in frustration at Hange’s varied haphazard solutions.

The bespectacled doctor squeezed your hand and said with all the confidence that you wished you could muster, “Not now, but maybe you’ll remember soon. Let’s just start with having Captain Levi take care of you once you’re discharged. I know you can’t recall, but I believe he is the person you have spent the most time with this last year and those memories involving him seem to be the most altered.”

You huffed again at this impossible situation, blowing a piece of (h/c) hair out of your face.

She stood and walked to the door. “If none of that works, I’m dead serious about trying out my electric shock treatments,” she said, her enthusiasm and voice still rising. 

You stared after the crazed doctor as she exited down the hall. “What a bizarre woman!” you marveled, shaking your head in disbelief that someone so fervent about such things could also be so caring.

Leaning back against the wall, you stared at all of the machines and cords hooked to various places on your person. You felt much better after having been given proper fluids. There were bandages all over, a particularly noticeable one on your left wrist. Hange had corrected some of the more careless stitch work, and your cuts and bruises smelled of some strange salve. 

It would still be three days or so before you could be released. You were not happy about that, at all. You felt like you could do fine. You were ready to get back to base. You wanted to start trying to recover your memories as soon as possible. It felt extremely awkward to be told that you were supposed to choose Captain Levi over any of the friends from your Academy class. As far as you were concerned, the two of you had only interacted a handful of times and most of those ended up with you in trouble. Your memories painted him as a purely hateful individual.

But in the cave… You had experienced a sensation you were unsure how to handle. He was kind to you. He protected you. He had been patient. He was longing to be near you. Those things felt real. In that hidden grotto, the touch of his hands on your hips had made you feel at ease. You felt like the two of you belonged to one another. Your spirit felt at rest somehow. Home.

Then just as suddenly, you recalled how he had once singled you out and kicked you in the chest during Titan training, sending you crashing to the ground. You remembered when he had punished you with extra running after he caught you drinking at the pub, though oddly, you couldn’t recall why he hadn’t given the same treatment to the dozen other soldiers there that night. You dredged up the disgusted way he had treated you after your horse had been destroyed. You remembered all of the times he had insulted you, calling you “idiot” or some other horrible moniker and all of the times he had treated you as if you were simply less than him. 

Trying to reconcile those two different men as one and the same in your mind was driving you insane. You closed your eyes and ordered yourself to get some sleep.

=====================

Lights flickered. Men with Titan faces wearing lab coats jabbed at you with needles that turned to knives. You screamed, but no sound came out. Levi lay dead on the floor, insides spread about the room. You reached for his body, but Corporal Voss appeared and climbed atop you, holding you down and tearing at your clothes. 

“Stop it!” you screeched as you began to hit him. He called out your name and it repulsed you. The Titan-faced men laughed. Voss grabbed at your body and made more appalling declarations. You fought harder and screamed louder. “Let go! Don’t touch me! Get away! Get off me! Get off!”

“(f/n)!” Levi shouted forcibly. 

You awoke to fists flying at his face and chest, still screaming, “I hate you! Don’t touch me!” It took the captain pressing your forearms to your lap with one of his steady hands and gripping you tightly against torso with the free arm, desperately begging you to wake up, before you realized you were still in the hospital. As you were released from this psychotic nightmare, your whole body was wracked by loud sobs. “I’m sorry, sir! I’m so sorry!” you cried out, your chin on his shoulder, your tears flooding down his own face.

He held you tighter still and hushed you calmly, until your sobs quieted to soft whimpers. Levi slowly relaxed his arms and released you from his grip. You turned your soaked face away from the man, ashamed by the scene he had just witnessed. His fingers guided your face back to his and he tenderly wiped away as many tears as he could manage with just his hands. You noticed his bottom lip had split from when you had been punching him in the face and you were filled with remorse as you stared at it.

“No,” he returned to you earnestly. “You don’t get to feel shame for this. It isn’t your fault,” he said, stone eyes fixed on your (e/c) ones. “I told you already, you don’t have to do this alone.”

You allowed yourself to relax in his arms and felt that peculiar peace wash over you again, your spirit at home in his embrace. It alarmed you and tore at your heart for not knowing how it originated. You knew something was there between you and this intensely devoted man. The fact that you could not recall the little events that led to this enormous sense of wholeness only made you more confused and angry with yourself.

When you pulled away, you were startled to see a swelling rage behind his eyes, partially concealed by his black hair, as he stared at the wall. “What is it?” you asked, concern growing. He shook his head. “If I can’t hold back, neither can you. Please, tell me what you’re thinking.”

He held your bandaged wrist in one hand and wiped another tear from your cheek with the other. Chillingly, he responded, “I’m thinking I will personally destroy whoever is responsible for this… Whatever I have to do.”


	18. ThatGingahNinja

“I don’t care what they've done! You can’t just go hand yourself over to some lunatic with a secret, extensive underground facility and elaborate underhanded plans to trap you!” Erwin scolded Levi in his office.

Levi sat unmoving in the chair across from his commander’s desk. “Look,” he began calmly, “whoever this guy is, it’s clear he just wants to talk first.” Smith began to protest, but Levi interrupted, “If they had wanted to trap me, it would have been easy for them to do so in that maze of theirs. No one of any importance was left there intentionally! They wanted us to take (f/n) here. They wanted me to see what they had done to her, and they are counting on me wanting to make a bargain for her sanity.”

“Which you will do, won’t you?!” asked an enormously frustrated Erwin.

Without hesitation, the captain responded, “Yes. Which I will do.” Levi brushed his hair away from his gray eyes and heaved an irritated sigh. “If it comes to that, Erwin. If! I just want to hear what the guy has to say. You’ve been looking for this man yourself for months, and now we have a double opportunity here. I am telling you, before he makes any other moves, he will be willing to just show up and talk with me.”

“Or kill you! Or worse!” The tall blonde snipped.

Levi sighed and looked up at his friend through hooded eyes. “You really put that little faith in me, brother?”

“I-“ Erwin paused. The enormity of that single word left Smith stunned. “Brother?”

“Don’t expect me to say it again,” Levi scowled. “Ever.”

Erwin ran his large hand over his gold locks, smoothing all of it into place. Levi waited silently for a response from the man. Finally, he replied, “It isn’t that I don’t have faith in your skills. It’s that I’m surprised that you, of all people, would be willing to give your freedom…your life- for her! Even knowing your death would also mean the end of all the lost spirits you carry with you to battle.”

Levi looked down at his hands. It tore a gash in his chest to hear the commander bring up the dead. The faces of fallen comrades flashed through his mind. Levi truly did honor them and used the courage of each of his lost soldiers to enhance his own combat skills. 

However, his feelings for (f/n) were unique. They were his own and unlike any part of his life he had yet experienced. It was unlike his vagrant childhood, his kill or be killed adolescence, his criminal life in the Underground District, and the years he had spent in the Survey Corps. Every moment of his life had been fight or die for his freedom. Why would it be surprising then that, for (f/n), he was more than willing to fight and die for the freedom to love her. He appreciated the significance of what this woman alone had brought into his life. In only one other person had Levi ever been this confident or resolved to fight for.

“I’ll admit it surprises me myself. It’s not as if I’ve never been willing to give my life for another person, though, or don’t you think I have the right to die for someone other than you, Commander?” Levi added solemnly.

His brother-in-arms sat, mouth agape, floored at the captain’s outright admission. It had always gone unsaid that every time Levi drew his blades, it was to fight his commander’s cause against the Titans. Smith sometimes forgot what Levi had been before the Survey Corps. He conveniently ignored the fact that Ackerman actually hated the military, and that it was not his respect for the military hierarchy that kept the captain in check. It was his singular respect for Erwin’s ideal. He respected Erwin’s vision to free humanity so completely that he placed his own life on the line daily to see it through to completion. 

Smith suddenly realized that though he had always considered himself the friendliest of the pair, (more talkative, relaxed, outgoing) he had actually been a terribly inadequate friend. This man before him had sacrificed nearly everything for his “brother’s” beliefs, while the commander had given virtually nothing in return. Almost all of Levi’s choices were decided by the commander because Levi had only ever desired to be free to go beyond the walls. How could the commander fault him for finding a new desire?

Erwin decided then and there that he would no longer simply take from his own brother. He would give his truest friend something more than orders and ultimatums. He vowed silently that he would take whatever steps necessary to help Levi hold on to this love he had chosen for his own. Erwin would help him, even if it meant he might lose the best asset he had in his military, if that was what would bring his friend happiness. His trusted friend would have Smith’s full faith and support, the same as Erwin had received all these long years.

Erwin walked around his desk and held out a hand to Levi, offering him a humbled handshake. “Just tell me what you want me to do,” Smith gratefully conceded.

================================

Back at the inn above the pub, Levi sat against his door, carefully listening to the room across the hall in case (f/n) needed something from him. It had been eight days since Hange had discharged her from the Corps hospital into the captain’s care, and her memories were nowhere near recovered. If anything they had gotten worse. He watched her struggle to decide how he fit into her life, trying to move forward but always pulling further back.

Levi had listened in anguish as she recounted many of the best moments the two had shared, except her mind remembered them negatively, painting him as a foe. (f/n) vividly recalled how she had tried to keep his office spotless when he returned from the expedition in which he lost most of his soldiers. Except instead of accepting her patient comfort, he had been furious finding her still there, forcefully shoving her from the room. In her mind, he had berated her for mourning her horse (h/n) and insulted her skills as a corpsman, telling her not to bother returning to the fight. He had called her “filthy” and “disgusting” after catching her drunk outside the pub and tried to have her suspended from the Corps itself.

Those weren’t even the worst of it. This day, when he entered her room, he decided to broach their most passionate encounter, praying it would stir some accurate recollection. Hange had suggested trying the most significant memories. He let her talk about her increasing nightmares and offered her something to eat, which she declined, and then he brought it up.

“What do you remember about the morning after the bar?” he asked. “After you think I tried to have you suspended?”

Her cheeks blushed madly and Levi held his breath hoping she was remembering their unstoppable kiss. She looked at the floor, and sputtered, “I-I’m sorry about that morning, Captain. I don’t know what came over us! We shouldn’t have been in your quarters alone!” Just as Levi was prepared to cry out with joy, she added, “It really was Jean’s idea, though! He made a very convincing argument.”

“Jean?!” he questioned, moment of joy frozen in his throat. "Private Kirstein?"

“Yeah,” (f/n) continued. When the false memories began, it was like she could not stop herself from recounting them in grotesquely inaccurate completion. “I’m sorry. It was mortifying that you caught us. He really made a very sound case as to why we should play a trick on you. You did try to get me kicked out, after all. I don’t think I’m really even interested in him romantically, but he was certainly charming and convincing that day,” she said, cheeks still blushing, lost in sordid thought.

Forgetting himself for a second, discouraged and dejected, Levi shouted angrily, “That’s not what happened at all!”

Terrified by his outburst, (f/n) backed away from him, only injuring the captain further. Irritated with everything at the moment, he grabbed the back of the wooden chair in front of him and slammed its legs against the floor. She flinched.

“Maybe you should leave for now, Captain,” she said cautiously. Levi felt guilty seeing the momentary fear he had caused (f/n).

He breathed out slowly, trying to regain composure and nodded. “Yeah. I’ll go. That was- I’m sorry.”

As he opened the door, (f/n)’s soft fingers tugged gently on his wrist. “Or you could just tell me whatever you're upset about that I’ve forgotten.”

Not able to face her, Levi muttered, “You know I can’t.”

“Why not?” she searched desperately. Her voice was full of angry frustration.

“Hange told us. I can only tell you if the memory is false. I can’t replace it with my version of things. The places and major events would match, but my memory of it might not be what yours would have been. My feelings will color the thoughts. She said it will only tangle your mind further,” Levi swallowed. He felt useless.

“I don’t care anymore. It has to be better than this. It has to be better than shouting. Better than leaving me feeling like an idiot every day. Sometimes I feel like I've forgotten how to exist! Please. I really don't care,” she begged.

Levi turned to face her (e/c) eyes, “I do care. You remembering me as an ass doesn’t concern me as much as you forgetting who you are completely. I won’t let you lose yourself, even if you never-“ he trailed off, heart too broken to say the words.

She brushed his dark hair from his eyes. “Even if I never remember I loved you?” she asked.

His stone eyes widened. He felt caught in some trap, not certain how much he should say. “I didn’t mean…I don’t know if…it was complicated.”

She huffed, “You’re so infuriating!” Taking a deep breath, she continued, “I see you, you know? I see what you’re trying to do for me and it matters. I see the pain on your face when I can’t recall. I hear the disappointment. I know that you love me, even if you aren’t ready to tell me to my face. It isn’t unnoticed.”

Levi wanted to say anything, but before he had even the chance to deliberate, she graciously continued and spared him the awkwardness. “Everything with you seems complicated. I will concede that much is probably true. But this-“ she said as she wrapped her arms around the short man and rested her face next to his, “this place in your arms is the only thing that doesn’t feel false to me. It feels peaceful and energizing both. It feels like medicine. It feels like- I don’t know- like I belong to you. I know I can’t remember why, but I also know I don’t want to let go.”

Levi inhaled the familiar sweet scent of her (h/c) hair and relaxed. He pushed away the thoughts of his dark meeting coming in the morning. Folding her into his strong embrace, they stood that way seemingly forever, recharging one another’s souls, not concentrating on complications. They just breathed.


	19. ThatGingahNinja

They were laughing again. The men with the ugly Titan faces, no lips, vacant stares, laughed as Corporal Voss held a knife to your eye, threatening to cut it out if you did not give them more of your memories with Levi. You refused and Voss bit a chunk off of your left wrist, spitting it back in your face. He described how he would dismember Levi and feed the pieces to his dogs. The Titan Men grabbed you and held your head under a deep tub of water.  You couldn’t breathe. You gasped desperately for air.

“I’m sorry, (f/n)! I’m so sorry!” came Levi’s voice. You opened your eyes to his hands wiping water from your eyes and hair, worried expression all over his face. 

You knocked his hand away and began wiping yourself dry. “What was-“ you stopped mid-question when your (e/c) eyes landed on a small overturned cup. It had just been a little splash of water.

“It’s getting harder to wake you,” the alarmed captain responded. There was an odd look of actual fear to his features. “And you’ve been screaming louder. Specific…things.” He lightly touched his hand to your bandaged wrist. You gasped and began unwrapping it swiftly, terrified of what might be underneath. It appeared badly bruised and there was a scab forming from the wrist up the side of your thumb. “Hange told us you sprained it, remember? She said probably on the return to the base.”

You let out a frustrated sob and put your hands over your eyes. How were you supposed to know what was real anymore? The nightmares were becoming more vivid, happening closer together now. A new and more distressing element would be included each time you slept. By now the abductors had harmed you nearly every way imaginable and always you watched as Captain Levi lay dead or dying...usually horrifyingly mangled. Every time you woke, you felt like more of yourself had somehow slipped away. You had not really gone into detail about that with Levi. He was anxious enough as it was.

You hated that something felt like it was forcing you not to respond appropriately to his pain or affection. One minute you ached over his harried appearance and the next his presence angered you completely. If you felt drawn to him, as if the two of you should be intimate, it would flip and then seem a revolting thought. You could see his kindness towards you right in front of your eyes and yet you remembered that he had only ever been a small and spiteful man. The struggle over Levi alone was maddening, without having to also deal with the other memory loss and endless nightmares.

You finally removed your hands and looked up to find him waiting patiently beside you, handkerchief in hand. You took it and finished drying your face and neck. 

It was difficult to see in the darkened room, but you could make out that Levi wore only a pair of olive green, cotton sleep pants. His ebony hair was a disheveled mess and though his eyes seemed even more exhausted than usual, they still appeared earnest and beautiful. Whatever had been between you before, whatever your mind tried to force you to believe now, it was clear to see that this man was anything but repulsive, visually.

‘Yeah. Sure. Look at his totally hideous bed-hair, unappealing shoulder definition, and that disgusting V in his hips,’ you thought sarcastically, while secretly salivating.

“(f/n)? Are you okay? You can tell me what you’re thinking, you know,” said Levi, startling you from your thoughts.

“Hm?” Realizing exactly what those thoughts had been, however, you began to stutter, “N-nothing! I mean, the t-thoughts…I wasn’t having any.” You inwardly rolled your eyes at yourself. "I mean, I'm fine now. Thank you, though."

Levi raised an eyebrow, no doubt finding you to be in a very bizarre mood this evening. “Ok. Well, if you need me again, I’ll be out there,” he pointed across the hall.

You nodded your understanding and handed Levi his handkerchief. As he stood, you tried not to stare too hard while he sauntered out of the room. The door closed, leaving the room darker than before. Suddenly aware that you were alone, you stood and walked to the window. You watched the street below for signs of anything interesting while you leaned there in your thin-strapped, silky gray top and comfortable red cotton shorts. You found nothing at all happening outside your window at this late hour, and so you reluctantly decided to try sleep again.

You got comfortable in the bed and closed your eyes. Corporal Vo-

“Nope!” You said aloud and immediately stood from the bed. You were not about to start one of those disturbing nightmares again so soon. You paced for a moment deciding what to do next. You tried to think of other things. You couldn't picture your mother's or father's faces. You chalked it up to the stress you had most certainly been experiencing. You continued to pace, trying to remember something else. Friends' names. There were Sasha, Jean, the tall brunette, the little one, the Titan kid, the...one who... you huffed an enormously discouraged sigh and stopped in your tracks. You focused harder. (h/n). You had a gorgeous blood bay stallion called (h/n). Had. You felt relieved that you remembered your treasured horse, but overwhelmed at the vivid memory of his death swirling in your mind.

Walking to the door, you opened it to cross the hall and knock on Levi’s door. You did not even make it a full step into the hall before you tripped and began to fall. “Shit!” you muttered, ready to hit the floor.

“Shit!” a voice muttered in unison, and Levi’s arm reached out and pulled you onto him before you could make it to the hardwood.

The two of you stared unblinking for a moment, you flat against the length of him, before you scrambled to a seated position and backed into your room. “Why are you in the floor?” you shouted. As the words flew out of your mouth, you saw blankets and a pillow around him. He sat up on his knees as you questioned, “Have- Have you been sleeping here in the hall?”

“It was easier,” he replied. “I told you, the nightmares were getting closer together.”

Your face felt hot. You wondered how many nights he had actually spent here, trying to sleep on the cold hallway floor, listening for you to need him. You felt self-conscious and pulled your knees to your chest. “‘I-I’m afraid to go to sleep. It’s beginning to feel like I might not ever wake up again," you admitted.

Levi stood and held his hand out for you. You accepted and got to your feet. He led you back to your bed and covered you with the warm blankets. Looking at you tenderly he brushed (h/c) locks behind your ears. “Do you want me to sit here until you fall asleep?” he asked cautiously.

“No,” you replied. He nodded, looking crestfallen. You didn’t know why you had said it, but you were glad the words found their way out of your mouth. “I want you to stay with me. Holding me.” It was true. You had already told him that, for whatever reason, you felt safe and at rest in his embrace. "I think I might really be able to sleep without the terrifying dreams, if you could just- ya know- anchor me here."

“I-“ he began, as if to protest, but he closed his mouth nodded instead. He pulled his legs onto the bed and lay down to face you beneath the covers.

You moved yourself against his warm, shirtless chest and relaxed as he put his arms around you, pulling you in even tighter. You breathed in his arousing scent and looked up to his face. His gray eyes were slightly hidden beneath the black fringe of his hair, which you gently brushed away. You stared at one another for a while before you whispered, “Thank you, Captain. For all of this.”

If it had not been so dark, there would have been no mistaking his scarlet cheeks. He placed a chaste kiss to your forehead and said, “Just go to sleep, you brat.”

You laughed softly and turned to your other side to get more comfortable, scooting your backside into the spoon shape of his body. Your back to his chest, you could feel his heart beating rapidly. You took the hand from his top arm into your own hand and guided it to rest gently against your abdomen. The fingers felt like welcome fire even through your shirt. His thumb caressed tiny calming circles onto your fingers. You felt him place a sensual kiss to the skin of your shoulder and your breath stopped. He placed another to the back of your neck and you stretched against him, your bottom brushing against his stiffening pants.

Levi groaned and moved his hips back from you. “Please,” he begged. “Please just fall asleep.” You lay still and obeyed, a soft smile to your lips. Safe in your captain’s arms, you slept soundly until he left early the next morning. You hadn’t had a single dream while he kept you in his embrace.

Now that he was gone again, you closed your eyes, and Titan-faced men appeared once more. You were confined with your disturbing captors and tried to force yourself to remember it was a dream. It was no use. As Corporal Voss approached you for maybe the hundredth time, you let out a trapped scream. As he began to strangle you, you struggled to breathe.


	20. ThatGingahNinja

Standing atop crumbled ruins in Shiganshina District, Levi waited anxiously for the man who had so desperately sought out the captain’s attention. Looking over his shoulder, he could make out the shapes of Erwin, Yeager, Mikasa, and several others standing along the wall. Erwin had requested a team at least be able to monitor from a distance. If something did go wrong and the mystery man killed Levi, Commander Smith had no intention of letting that man leave alive. His friends waited there, only a few minutes run from the intended meeting place.

Levi heard the familiar clack of boots casually walking across a nearby rooftop, and he glanced to his left. Approaching on the adjacent building came a tall slender man dressed all in black except for a gray cloak, the hood of which shrouded his face almost completely. Only a thin mouth and deep brown sideburns along a wide set jaw were visible. Levi drew his blades and prepared to jump across the gap in the roofs, but the cloaked man held up his hand as Levi reached the edge.

“That’s quite far enough, thank you,” he said sternly. “I think I should be rather content to discuss matters at this distance.”

Levi scowled, but halted anyway, not willing to risk (f/n)’s safety. “What is it you want from me?” he growled.

“What is it you want from me, Captain?” replied the shrouded man. Annoyed by the obtuse question, Levi glared back in silence. “You want to restore the girl’s mind, yes? I need you to ask yourself, are you willing to dismantle the Survey Corps in exchange?”

“What? You never said this was an either or situation!” Levi shouted, cursing this Gray Hooded Man.

“Well, why would I say that in advance? You might not have turned up, in that case.” Again Levi glared. Gray Hood continued, “I needed some type of assurance that you wouldn’t back out of the deal.” Levi continued waiting for the man to get to the point. “The Survey Corps is a joke. You claim to protect humanity, but that is far from the reality of it. The world keeps seeing setback after setback at the hands of our military.”

Levi clenched his fists tightly around his blades and snarled, “How dare you? You know nothing of-“

“No!” Gray Hood interrupted loudly. “No, Captain Levi. It is you who appears to know nothing. You are blind to the truth, fighting a losing battle with Commander Smith. The military is content to throw away good lives in a war they will never win.   
The Shifting Titans are our best defense against the regular, mindless kind. It’s the next step in taking back humanity’s freedom. We need the perfect army of shifters under my control in order to take down the Titans.”

Levi sneered, “So you did create this new threat. Take down the Titans? You can’t control those shifting beasts! They’re just as bad as the regular Titans, but stronger. That female monster of yours killed my entire squad! She destroyed them as if they were meaningless. How is that better?”

“Don’t misunderstand,” this mastermind continued. “She was ordered to kill any Survey Corps member in the way of her objective. We will eventually have the Yeager boy. Whether I use him or destroy him has yet to be decided.”

“You bastard!” Levi felt overcome by rage and raised his steel, but the man stopped him with a single sentence.

“Miss (l/n) will suffer greatly, I’m afraid.”

“Get her name out of your filthy mouth, you piece of shit,” spat Levi, still clenching the trigger of his 3DM gear.

“The Corps destroys the lives of more humans than any of the Titans combined, Captain. It welcomes men and women to its ranks, encourages them to join, only to send them to slaughter. Thousands have been affected by the loss of a loved one on your battlefield. Families left empty, and for to what purpose? To dispose of Titans that would probably never have made it through the gate?” Gray Hood explained, a sad pull at the corner of his thin lips, the only part of his face visible to Levi.

“My goal,” he continued with confidence, “is to eliminate the need for such tragedy among humans. With an army of all Titan Shifters, we could really have a chance to rid the world of the beasts forever. But I have to complete more experiments. I have to get the process perfected. The shifters still retain much of their own free will, and I need ways to ensure they will follow orders completely on the battlefield. I need a perfect soldier to endure the trails I will have to place him under. Why would I accept anyone other than ‘Humanity’s Most Powerful?’”

Levi stood stunned and annoyed by this man’s seeming one-sightedness. “How is it different, if your Titans still slaughter Survey Corps soldiers?” Levi asked angrily.

“I’ll admit that’s an unfortunate caveat but at this time, it can’t be helped, if the Survey Corps insists on trying to capture my army. That’s yet another reason I’d like to add you to my collection. Who knows the Corps’ objective better? Who else can persuade them to disband and make way for a new, more powerful army?” Gray Hood coaxed.

Levi thought for a moment. It wasn’t as if it was a terrible idea in theory, but the current reality of this man’s results were completely untrustworthy. Plenty of ideas were good in theory, but failed miserably upon application. “You admit these Titan Shifters are hard to control,” Levi responded. “They don’t always follow your commands and have been responsible, directly or indirectly, for the deaths and injuries of hundreds. Some of them can’t even remember themselves as human when they transform,” he finished, thinking of poor Eren.

“Precisely why it’s imperative I run more experiments on someone with an immensely strong will. If I can bend the great Captain Levi to obey my every command, you could be the most powerful being the world has ever known. You could take out every damned Titan without ever having to lose another comrade,” the dark man prompted.

It was an enticing ideal overall, but Levi always focused on every possible outcome. “Or,” he began, “I could forget myself completely, left an out of control beast, decimating you, my Survey Corps, and everything and anyone I care about.” 

Gray Hood seemed unconcerned with that possibility. “We’ve come a long way with pinpointing specific memories to enhance or block out, or haven’t you forgotten?” 

“Tch,” Levi growled at the reminder of (f/n)’s tortured mind.

The man responsible for her pain continued with his bargaining, “If you agree to willingly leave the Survey Corps and fight against it, submitting yourself to become the next and most powerful of all Titan Shifters, I will give you what you need for Miss (l/n)’s mind. But I warn you now, I do intend to dispose of all military officers that might oppose me, especially Erwin Smith. That man will never agree to put down his ideal for mine.”

Levi’s mind seemed to stop working altogether and then sped rapidly out of control. “What? What are you saying?! You want me to choose her memories or Erwin’s life? What kind of a bullshit deal is that? Listen, you’ve got the wrong man here. I love (f/n), but Smith’s lif-“

“No, Levi. I want you to choose Erwin’s life or hers.” Levi couldn’t breathe. What was this delusional man talking about? (f/n) was fine. Why would she die if the captain just didn’t accept help in retrieving her memories? “Right now, it’s only you she can’t remember accurately, but her nightmares have already been increasing haven’t they? If you had asked her, you would have noticed she can’t remember parts of childhood by now or what food she eats or that she doesn’t need to fall asleep quite so very often.” 

Levi felt his chest tighten painfully as he recalled not being able to get her to eat for the last three days and something more telling, something she had said. ‘I-I’m afraid to go to sleep. It’s beginning to feel like I might not ever wake up again.’ The words beat around deafeningly loud in his ears.

“The nightmares are the key. Her mind will continue to rapidly block out more important aspects of her life until she eventually blocks even the ability to breathe. In a few days’ time, she will die alone and terrified, tortured mind trapped in her nightmares, letting go of the need to breathe. It won’t take long now.”

“You fucking bastard! I’ll kill you! I’ll slice your fucking throat!” Levi raged as he flew across the roof without 3DM aid. 

The man drew his own sword and the two battled fiercely, steel blades clanging and glinting in the morning light. Gray Hood was a skilled fighter and Levi’s thoughts were distracted, allowing the cloaked figure to get the upper hand and pin the smaller captain to the rooftop on his back, sword to his throat. Levi lashed out with a small knife, cutting the man deeply down the right side of his face. Gray Hood shouted in pain, stood quickly and stomped Levi’s hand loose from the knife, before repeatedly kicking him in the chest and head. Blood spattered across the brick tiles. The attacker placed his knees into the captain’s back and forced Levi’s battered face against the hot roof tile, holding him down with a tight handful of ebony hair.

“I’ll murder you. If she dies, I’ll find you and I’ll fucking cut your tongue out myself, and then your head,” Levi mumbled defiantly.

“And what good would that do? She’ll still be dead,” Gray Hood was quick to remind him. It was true. Levi stopped his struggling, realizing it would not save (f/n). Spirit defeated, Levi listened as the victor continued his proposal. “I’m sure you won’t make a decision now. You’ll want to check for yourself that what I’ve said will happen is true. I will allow you two days, any longer than that and I’m afraid it will be too late for your lover. On the third day, she’ll succumb to her torture. Once you make your choice, bring a trusted friend to carry the information back, meet me here and you have my word I’ll let her live. Come willingly and submit, and I can guarantee her safety the remainder of her life. And you will become my greatest asset, destroying the Titans and the Survey Corps by my side!”

Levi repeated flatly, “Join you to become your Titan-shifting puppet and kill Erwin Smith…or watch as I allow (f/n) to die, tormented by figments? And I suppose you won’t even give me the option to see her restored to health? I’ll just have to take your word?”

“I’m afraid that’s the chance you’ll have to take. It’s all down to your choice, really. I’ll continue fighting with or without your help, you see. I will build my perfect army of Titans and weed out the short-sighted military, whether or not you choose to serve me. It would, however, save a great deal of time, lives, and headaches if you would just agree to cooperate. What’s left for you to decide is whether or not you prefer to live with Miss (l/n)’s death on you head?” Gray Hood finished, calmly. Finally releasing his hold on Levi as shouts and boots roared towards them, he reminded the captain, “Two days, Captain Levi. I hope I won’t find you a disappointment.”

He squeezed something in his hand triggering a high-pitched, eye-watering screech. Everyone in the vicinity dropped to their knees clutching at their ears. By the time the noise dwindled enough for them to stand, Gray Hood was long gone.

“Levi!” shouted Erwin. “We saw you attack him! What happened?” Levi could not respond, he was barely even standing. “Search the area!” Commander Smith shouted to the team. “What did he say? LEVI! What did he say?”

As if startled out of a nightmare, Levi stared at Erwin. An image flashed of him in Titan form, biting his best friend in two. He felt sick. He could never choose to be forced into killing Erwin. Another image, (f/n) struggling to breathe, asleep in his arms, lashing out and screaming in anguish for his help until her body lie cold, blue, and limp. The nausea turned to dizziness, and he fell forward a bit, stopping himself on Erwin’s arm. 

Erwin grabbed his small friend to steady him, “What is it, Levi? What did he want from you?” 

Levi looked at Smith again. Again he saw his friend’s violent death at his own hands. He pushed forcefully away from Erwin’s grasp, causing himself to loose footing and fall from the roof. He considered crashing briefly, before reacting instinctively and swinging himself into an open window, coming to rest in a kneeled position. Erwin landed immediately following.

He crouched in front of the shattered man, and tried again. “Levi…my brother?” Levi looked up at him, eyes still dazed. “What did he say to you? How does he want you to save (f/n)?”

“He-“ the captain was unsure how to begin. What was the right way to explain this choice? Erwin or (f/n). “He said I-“ If he did not choose to get the needed information for (f/n), it was as good as if he murdered her himself. Living with that decision seemed insufferably cruel. If he chose to save the life of his love, he condemned himself and all of his friends at the hands of a madman; Erwin, Mikasa, Eren, Hange, they would all be crushed if they dared defy this-

“Shitty Glasses,” Levi muttered, ideas awakening.

Erwin looked beyond apprehensive. “He said ‘Shitty Glasses?’” Smith asked, the confusion in his voice apparent.

“No, I need her. I need to speak with Hange,” Levi said quietly. She was the smartest person he knew. Surely in two days, she could figure out how to reverse the effects on (f/n). Shouting loudly as he stood to run, “I have to get to Hange! Now!”

Levi sprinted to the Survey Corps Hospital praying that any one of Hange’s harebrained theories would finally pay off.


	21. ThatGingahNinja

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeee~ it's finally coming!

You sat at the little table in your room above the pub, staring out the small window, a mug of tea in your hands. Looking down, you realized the tea was quite cold and that you had absolutely no idea how long you had been sitting there or when you had even gotten tea. Blinking your (e/c) eyes a few times, as if trying to snap out of some dream, you stood and decided to dress. Grabbing a (f/c) button up shirt and your favorite jeans from your small bag, you quickly threw them on.

You thought maybe you should walk down to the pub and wait for Levi to return from wherever it was he had been. Opening the door, you rounded to head for the stairs, where you were immediately met by a pair of frantic gray eyes. Levi was drenched with sweat, his 3DM gear still attached over his plain clothes, desperately trying to catch a breath, and a frenzied look to his face. He looked completely wrecked, a gash over his left eye which had been blackened and bruises to his arms, hands, and neck. He grabbed your forearm forcefully and tried to pull you down the stairs.

“Come on!” he ordered. “We have to get to the hospital.” He seemed frightening to you and you had no idea what was happening. You tried to uselessly to wrench yourself from his grip. It only made him pull harder.

“Let go, Captain! Ow! You’re hurting me!” you howled, before rearing back with your free hand a slapping it smartly across his cheek.

He released you instantly, eyes widened in surprise at your move. His hand to the crimson mark you had left on his face, he apologized. “I-I’m sorry.” Levi focused his pleading slate-colored eyes on you intently. “Please, trust me. I have to get you to Hange right away. I’ll explain once we’re there. It’s very important.” This time he held out his hand and offered for you to take it. You hesitated momentarily, grabbed hold, and hurried beside him as the two of you made your way to the Survey Corps Hospital.

Sitting in Hange Zoe’s clinic office, Levi began to plead that she try any theory she had come up with to restore your memories and eliminate your nightmares. When you asked why such sudden urgency, he was hesitant to answer, but both you and Hange insisted he be more specific before you would agree to trail testing.

“You’re dying,” he said somberly. “They… they’re killing you.”

As Hange asked frantically for more details, your head began to swim and your ears began to buzz. You could barely hear the conversation between the two, as you tried to make sense of what Captain Levi had just told you. Dying? That couldn’t be. You had way too much life ahead of you with too many things to accomplish. This was not how your life was supposed to end.

“Do you agree, (f/n)?” came Hange’s voice, startling you from your thoughts. She could tell that you had not paid attention to anything that had just been said, and so she repeated, “I can try injecting the serum I invented, despite the unknown effects it may have. If that doesn’t work, I can try the shock therapy. I’ll try to use this day to come up with other options, but I won’t try any of those things unless I have your permission, of course. So, do you agree?”

“Yes,” you said tentatively before heaving an overburdened sigh. “Do whatever it takes.” You rubbed your hand across your face.

As Hange went to prepare everything, Levi took you to a hospital room where you sat on the edge of the bed. He pulled a chair over and sat down in front of you. Staring into your (e/c) eyes, the captain made you feel uneasy. The way he looked at you always made you feel like you were missing out on some glorious passion you had never experienced. He smirked slightly and said, “You’re a damn mess, you know?”

“What?” you said defensively, shooting him a glare. He stood and reached slowly for your chest. Your breath froze. What the hell was he- he had a piece of your shirt between his thumb and forefinger, showing you what he meant.

“You missed some buttons,” he commented and then proceeded to correct your mistake. You could feel his hands trembling and wondered how you could have ever made this man so upset at the thought of your death. What could there possibly have been between you to earn such devotion? When he finished fixing the last button, you took his hand in both of yours and the two of you just watched one another. He moved his free hand up to run through your tangled (h/c) locks and you realized that you were not sure you had even brushed it at all.

“Shall we begin?” asked Hange’s voice excitedly. She spotted the intimate way the two of you stood and her face blushed furiously. “Ooooh! I’m sorry I’ve interrupted. Just continue like I’m not even here,” she added, a little perversely.

“What? No. It wasn’t-“ you began, but you found yourself dismayed as the dark haired captain released your hand and backed up to make room for the doctor.

The bespectacled, brunette doctor began to clean a spot on your arm with an alcohol swab, and she explained what she theorized might happen with the injection. “The idea is that it should enhance whatever memories are being suppressed, allowing you to sort of override the falsely implanted ones. However, I don’t know if it will target anything useful, as this is the first batch of something of this nature I have ever created. It may not even attach itself to anything.” 

She stuck the needle into your vein and you sucked air rapidly through your teeth as you felt the liquid sting its way into your body. “The good news is, if this is successful, your memories should return within the hour…at least, part of them.”

You nodded as you held the little cotton ball over the puncture to soak up any stray blood. “Now, I’m going to meet with my team and brainstorm some other possible solutions. Just try to be positive, ok, (f/n)?” the optimistic woman supplied.

She left the room and Levi watched you expectantly, making you feel a bit like a ticking time bomb. “So…” you started, trying to break the uncomfortable vibe in the room, “how exactly are you aware that I’m dying?”

Extremely reluctantly and after an inordinate amount of prompting on your part, he told you bits of what had transpired that morning between himself and the mysterious man in the gray cloak. Tears began to fall from your (e/c) eyes as he described scenarios you were already experiencing as the telltale signs of your imminent death.

“You’re not going to die,” he said definitively.

“You don’t know that!” you sobbed. “Hange doesn’t know if any of her ideas are even going to work. We’ve already been in here for forty minutes and nothing has changed from this stupid serum!”

“I do know,” Levi replied. “It doesn’t matter if none of Hange’s ideas work. There’s another option and you will not die, do you understand me?”

“What are you talking about?” The flat expression was back to his face, making him unreadable. You begged him to be more specific for the next twenty minutes, to absolutely no avail, until the doctor was headed down the hallway. 

When Hange returned and you showed no signs of improvement, she moved you to a different area of the hospital to begin the shock therapy. As you walked down to the new room with Hange, her two assistants, and Levi, Commander Erwin Smith joined you all. Entering the room, the two men waited in a far corner and Zoe carefully strapped you to a chair. She looked slightly terrified and slightly thrilled and asked if you were sure you wanted to do this. You considered the alternative of death and agreed to submit to the shocks. They started out small jolts, barely a zap. As those seemed to do nothing, the voltage increased. Still nothing. You noticed the ebony haired captain in the corner looking extremely distressed. Commander Smith placed a hand on his lance corporal’s shoulder and said something you couldn’t make out. Levi nodded slowly. ‘This has to work,’ you thought to yourself. You continued asking her to up the volts until she flat refused you.

“That’s enough,” she said firmly. “We can’t go any higher without causing permanent brain damage.” Her assistants released your straps and your heart sunk as you were no closer now than you had been this morning to retrieving your memories.

Zoe suggested that the captain take you to his quarters on the base to rest for the night, while she would continue to try coming up with possible solutions. “We have until tomorrow evening,” she reminded you. Putting a hand reassuringly on Levi’s shoulder, she said, “I swear, if I come up with anything else, I’ll rush right over to get her.”

Disappointed, you left the hospital with Levi and began to walk across the base to his quarters when you began feeling nauseated. You stopped against the side of a nearby building and started vomiting violently. When it seemed to have passed, Levi put one hand on your back and one to brace your arm. You held up your own hand and shook your head. “It’s fine,” you said. “Let’s keep going.” You took three very unsteady steps before you blacked out on the field.

=======================

Instead of Voss touching you, this time it was those awful men with the Titan heads. You screamed and struggled but that only made them more excited. Voss drug a bound Levi into the room by his hair and made him watch as you were violated. When they were done, the corporal removed one of the captain’s own blades and held it to the back of Levi’s neck.

“Don’t! God, please don’t! What do you want?” you screamed. There was only eerie laughter in response. “Get away from him!” As the blade sliced cleanly through to the other side, removing Levi’s head before your eyes, you shrieked his name. Voss rushed you and held you down by the throat, strangling your life away. You could feel yourself slipping…slowly...

Suddenly, you opened your eyes, Levi’s mouth breathing into you, pressing hard against your chest. You gasped intensely and sat up, gulping for breath. Looking around, you saw yourself on a bed in Levi’s officer’s quarters.

His face was pale, his eyes were angry and full of tears, and he sat back only momentarily before muttering something under his breath and rushing into a closet. You heard the familiar jingle of harness buckles being attached. “What are you doing?” you tried gasping out.

“I’m putting an end to this!” he said stubbornly. “He wants me, he can have me, if he just makes this stop for you.” 

You stood and put your hand to his arm, trying to get him to slow down and explain. He shrugged you off. “What are you saying?” No response. “Don’t leave me here with no explanation! Where are you going, Levi!?”

He began to head from the room, putting on his uniform jacket, with you pulling against him with all of your weight, trying to make him stand still. Nothing would make him pause to answer you until you surprisingly felt your fist connect to his jaw. He looked at you with livid expression and grabbed your wrists, knocking you to the ground. “What the fuck?” you shouted. “Don’t pull this shit! You tell me what you mean by ‘he can have you!’ Where are you going, and you tell me right now?”

Sitting back from you, he began to lay out Gray Hood’s proposal to become his pawn in exchange for your life. Hatred for this unknown man swelled in you as you forbade Levi from making this choice. “You can’t trade my life for Survey Corps. I don’t want to be responsible for that! What’s wrong with you?” 

Getting to one knee, he wretchedly replied, “It’s my decision. I am not letting you die, brat!” Your eyes were wide in disbelief that this man was so stubborn.

He tried to stand but you continued forcing him down, smacking him about his face and head. “No!” you shouted. “No! You don’t get to do this without telling me why!”

He seemed to stop fighting against you for a moment. “You don’t get to hand yourself over to a madman for my fucking life without telling me to my damn face why you would do that! I’m not waiting to remember on my own, if you’re so hell-bent on making this choice. You tell me yourself why I feel home with you before you take that away from me! You stop being the most infuriating man I have ever met in my life and tell me to my fucking face or I swear to god I’ll knock you unconscious and you won’t be going anywhere!” you threatened.

“Tell me why! Say it, Levi!” you demanded. Your breathing was irregular, heart beating out of control, (e/c) eyes wild, as you waited for the stunned captain’s response.


	22. ThatGingahNinja

“You have to promise, Erwin,” Levi had ordered his friend earlier in the day.

“I can’t promise that,” the tall commander told his captain. 

“You have to. If Hange can’t find a way to help (f/n), I’m turning myself over. I can’t live with her death on my head. I know what’s at stake, but please don’t ask me to kill her,” Levi pleaded.

Smith shook his head, “I won’t, but there has to be another alternative.”

“Hange’s looking for it,” Levi reminded him somberly. “But if she can’t come up with a solution, then you have to promise me, when the time comes, you can kill me.”

Erwin ran a hand through his blonde hair and looked grievously with his big, blue eyes down towards Levi. “Easier said than done,” he commented. “It’s not as if the Titan Shifters are easy targets. Even you haven’t managed to take one out, and you're our best man.”

“You have to promise anyway. It’s better than the alternative. This guy has no control over his ‘army.’ Continue working with Yeager's abilities. Just swear you will destroy me and that you won’t try to capture me and give me to Hange for testing.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Besides,” he said, nodding to Hange preparing (f/n) for shock therapy across the room, “they haven’t given up yet.”

Levi watched with concern as Hange and her assistants readied (f/n) for the last resort measures. He hated that he could not protect the girl from everything that had happened as of late. Clenching his jaw as she received the first few volts, a flash of pain across her features, he considered stopping them right there. As if his old friend could read his mind, Erwin placed his large hand firmly on the captain’s shoulder and looked at him confidently.

“Don’t do anything hasty. We still have a whole day,” he told the restless dark-haired man. “You can’t lose faith in your friends now, Levi. Believe in us.” 

Levi sighed and tried to calm down. Erwin had been making an immense effort to help his lance corporal, despite the fact that Levi had been certain Smith would never let it get to that point. Normally, the captain would have expected his commander to have him locked away by now, deciding for Levi that he would choose the Survey Corps whether or not it meant the life of one soldier. He would have waited until it was too late for (f/n) and then given Levi some kind of ultimatum, ending, inevitably, in returning to the endless fight.

Since the usually guarded captain had admitted to Smith that he considered him a brother, Erwin had only been too willing to help. Levi knew this was not an exception Erwin would normally have made for anyone else, under any circumstance. This was for Levi alone, to honor the respect and devotion he had given his commander through the years. If Levi had known it would be that easy to make Smith respect his wishes, he would have told the lout how he truly saw him long ago. 

Nodding his head, he looked up at Erwin and replied, “I do believe in you.”

As the tests concluded for the day, Smith excused himself to try coming up with back up plans in order to keep both his best soldier and Levi’s love alive. Hange gave instructions for (f/n) to rest, and assurances that the good doctor would be at the captain’s quarters immediately, if she had any other ideas. (f/n) and the lance corporal bid her farewell, and Levi began to escort her to his home on the base.

When she had suddenly stopped and become ill, it frightened him somehow. He had never seen someone get sick with that much force. Levi did not think she was aware that she had vomited a great deal of blood before she pushed his hand away, claiming to be fine. It was beyond apparent that (f/n) was not fine in the least. As she fainted, Levi picked her up and slung her over his shoulder, where she hung loosely, until he made his way inside his house.

He lay her on his bed and retrieved a cool rag to clean her face. As he sat gently trying to cool her cheeks and forehead, Levi marveled at how beautiful he found this (h/c) haired woman. He stroked her face and prayed that Hange could come up with a solution. He knew he would not allow (f/n) to die, no matter what he had to do, but he desperately wanted to be able to stay and enjoy her life by her side. Levi walked to the bathroom to deposit the rag into the dirty clothes hamper and heard a blood-curdling scream.

He knew (f/n) was in the middle of another of her nightmares. He went back to her and began trying to wake her. His efforts turned more frantic as her words began to illustrate the horror she was experiencing in sleep. “Get out of me!” she cried. 'Out?!'

“(f/n), wake up!” he shouted, shaking her more firmly. She continued to cry out horrible things and Levi continued in futility trying to arouse her from this nightmare. He shouted, shook, patted her face, dumped water, nothing would work. He held her head in his lap, hoping it would at least hurry and pass.

Suddenly, his world shattered as she shrieked out his name in anguish and then went limp against him. She had stopped breathing. ‘No!’ he thought frantically. He quickly moved to her side and began to administer CPR. “(f/n), get up!” he yelled at her. “What are you doing, you idiot? Get up! It hasn’t been two days!” He shouted between breaths and pumping her chest. As seconds ticked by, his worry grew and his terror began to pour out of him in the form of tears.

Her lips had turned slightly blue and he put his head against her chest, momentarily overcome by his terror. He heard nothing. “Please. Please,” he begged softly. “Please wake up. You can’t leave me behind like this, too. Please.” His voice cracked and he started feeling sick, cradling his head in his hands, picturing the faces of every friend and family member he had lost to some horrific death in his lifetime. 

The memories of those people lifted him and gave him the courage to continue. He returned to CPR until (f/n) finally gasped for air. Sitting back, relieved and on the verge of hyperventilating, he made up his mind that she would not end up like all the rest. “Not again,” he muttered to himself. “Not her.”

He immediately decided to turn himself over to Gray Hood. He would have done anything in that moment to free (f/n) from this agony. Putting on his harness again, he prepared to leave his barracks for the last time. (f/n) tried to get a response from him, but Levi was solely focused on getting to Erwin and Hange to say good-bye and taking Yeager with him to return with the cure for her life.

He began to get irritated that (f/n) would not let him just leave and solve this problem as quickly as possible. It was problem/solution at this point, and there was no in between for the captain now. Picturing how he would rather kill this madman than submit, he felt completely shocked and caught off guard by the strength of (f/n)’s punch to his jaw. He grabbed her wrists forcefully in order to stop her from hitting him again and it knocked her to the ground, pulling him with her.

Hurting her had not been his intention, so Levi began to explain the reluctant choice he had to make. Her (e/c) eyes filled with anger, and she demanded he not do this. Kneeling in front of her, mind made up, the captain said, “It’s my decision. I am not letting you die, brat!” and tried to leave. He made little headway as (f/n) used visceral strength to keep him in the room.

“No!” she shouted. “No! You don’t get to do this without telling me why!”

Levi stopped fighting against her for a moment, taken aback by her demand. He felt frozen, not completely sure what words she expected from him as he was about to leave forever. 

Continuing trying to force his response, (f/n) threatened furiously, “You don’t get to hand yourself over to a madman for my fucking life without telling me to my damn face why you would do that! I’m not waiting to remember on my own, if you’re so hell-bent on making this choice. You tell me yourself why I feel home with you before you take that away from me! You stop being the most infuriating man I have ever met in my life and tell me to my fucking face or I swear to god I’ll knock you unconscious and you won’t be going anywhere!” 

“Say it, Levi!” she demanded. Her breathing was irregular, (e/c) eyes wild, as she waited for the stunned captain’s response.

Levi could take no more.

“Because I love you!” He shouted in frustration. “Damn it, (f/n)! Is that what you want to hear?” He searched her face for any signs that he had gone too far, and when he saw none, he continued. Softly this time and more deliberately, he said, “I love you.” 

He moved closer to her on the floor and took one of her slender hands in his. Confessing everything in his heart, he began, “Because I don’t want to live knowing I could have done something to save you.” Her face scrunched and she winced at the painful thought. “Because no one has ever been able to see me the way you see me. Even now, when you barely even know me, you can still read me with such certainty. It makes me feel unsettled," he chuckled shortly, "and like I'm someone important. You don’t expect me to be someone I can’t be, but you aren’t afraid to call out my bullshit, like you're doing right now.” He held both of her hands now, waiting for her response.

She sat with her (e/c) orbs glistening as the captain spoke, unsure whether or not to cry. “What about only feeling sane when you hold me?” she searched. “Why does that not seem affected by this nightmare?”

Levi shrugged. “They blocked your memories and replaced your feelings, but it isn’t as if they could replace your soul.” (f/n) only looked more puzzled, and honestly, Levi was grasping at straws, hoping he didn’t sound like too much of a fool. Levi did not know the best way to convey their unspoken connection, because he didn't even understand it himself.

“The first time I knew I loved you…I mean, “would never stop/couldn’t be controlled” loved you…we were arm in arm out beyond the wall. It was the one place that I had always felt free, but having you there with me changed that freedom into something else. It was like having a home. It was like both of our spirits had been searching for that moment.”

He slipped a loose strand of (h/c) hair tenderly behind your ear. “Maybe they just couldn’t get that information from you…that your soul only seems at home with mine.” He placed the backs of his fingers against her cheek. “I know you can’t remember the details," he said, tipping her chin up to him, "but I am yours, body and soul…and you are mine.”

Levi leaned forward and put his lips gently to (f/n)’s. He kissed her slowly and cautiously, nervous this might be too much for her to take in with her mind in such a state. She had responded immediately, parting her mouth and allowing Levi to explore further with his tongue. His body ached, almost afraid to completely relax in this kiss. Tongues savored one another. Heads began to swim, dizzy with passion. Memories began to flash.

Memories flashed?

With a loud gasp, (f/n) broke the kiss with such force that she nearly toppled herself to her back. Levi looked at her, confused, as fat streams of tears ran down her face. She was weeping. His heart broke to know he had pushed her this far. Finally resigned to his fate, he stood and took a few steps to his front door.

He halted as he heard (f/n)’s voice say two immensely significant words through her tears. “I remember.”

“What?” Levi asked quietly. He was terrified to turn around in case he had misheard.

“Everything,” she said, voice full of awe. “I remember- everything.”

A single, relieved tear slipped silently down Levi’s cheek as he felt her hand on his arm, prompting him to turn and face her. Though she was covered in tears, her (e/c) eyes shone with joy and liberation. “And you were right,” she said softly. “I didn’t tell them I had found a home. I didn’t tell them that you were the only man who would ever have my heart…or my soul.” (f/n) put her soft hands to Levi’s face, brushing back some of his onyx hair. “I can remember." she whispered. "I can remember that I have loved you for so long now and that-“ she smiled, “I am yours…and you are mine,” she echoed his words from earlier.

“And you are mine,” repeated Levi, savoring the words between the two. He was elated. It was almost too much to take in. In the span of maybe two minutes, he had learned that he would no longer have to give himself to Gray Hood. Erwin wouldn’t be forced to kill him or vice versa. (f/n) was not going to die. She remembered the feelings they had built with one another and she loved him. She had said she loved him and had for a long time. Perhaps if he had been a different man, with so much good news to process all at once, he would not even have been able to decide what it was he wanted next.

“Now, Cadet (l/n), would you please, for the love of god, just kiss me alrea-“ Levi began, before her lips finally collided with his, knocking his back against the door. Having no intention of letting anyone interrupt his desire, he felt blindly behind him until he found the door handle and secured the lock, before returning his hand to the small of her back.


	23. ThatGingahNinja

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally...time for the "good" stuff. 8-D Levi has been so very patient, and now he finally gets his Reader-chan!  
> Ha
> 
> As always, comments are very much appreciated.
> 
> *Cover image is a screen shot mod.

*Warning* This is lemon for the sake of lemon, it doesn't necessarily advance the story if that's not your bag, so not reading it won't effect it overall. BUT if it is your cup of tea, I felt these characters most certainly deserved smut of epic proportions. Because, come on! So there.**

 

Your body was so full of immense relief and joy that the passionate kiss was almost too overwhelming. Levi began to back the two of you away from the door, not bothering to pull away from your lips. You frantically pulled loose buckles and buttons from his harness and shirt, until he lay you back gently on his couch. Your desire began to grow frenzied as he pulled his shirt untucked and slid it off of his defined shoulders to the floor. Your hands went straight to the button on his white uniform slacks, undoing it, before your captain stopped you by holding your arms above your head.

“Wait,” he whispered against your neck before grazing his teeth lightly from there to your breastbone. “I have fantasized this exact moment for the better part of a year, and I absolutely do not intend to rush it.”

The words alone made you dizzy with passion. His lengthy fingers nimbly undid the clasp of your pants, and he used one hand to pull them slowly off as the other followed down your smooth, bare leg. Reaching up to grip you at the hip, Levi placed a soft kiss on your ankle and his warm breath tickled and teased its way up your left calf and thigh, while the right thigh was erotically caressed by his other fingers. It was apparent by his soft noises that he delighted in the both the feel and taste of your skin.

As he reached the top of your thighs, Levi looked up at you with those slate gray eyes and a devilish smirk that made your heart race. You pulled him towards your lips for another kiss. You ached for him as his tongue danced expertly in your mouth and his right hand pulled and pushed against your hip, kneading the skin there and driving you wild.

You watched, (e/c) eyes filled with hunger, as Levi broke this kiss and slid himself back down to continue discovering your body.

****

Levi’s heart raced and longing roared through his body as he took in (f/n)’s form for the first time. Folding down her (f/c) panties just so, he grazed his teeth and tongue across her hip bone. He was thrilled by the fact that he had to force her hips still. She seemed eager for him to continue and Levi only grew more excited as his hot breath taunting around the edges of her lingerie caused her to whimper softly.

He stood and scooped her into his arms. “What are you doing?” she asked, curious why he had stopped.

“I want to see you better,” he said lowly and he carried her to his room, placing her on his large bed.

(f/n) watched him, her (e/c) eyes pleading for more. Her eyelids seemed heavy with lust and the way she lightly chewed her lower lip as she waited was beyond sexy, threatening to make Levi's own wants flame out of control. He unbuttoned her (f/c) shirt deftly, placing his soft warm lips behind each button on his way up her stomach and chest. She ran her hands along his muscular arms and shoulders, sending shivers through Levi’s body as she alternated between her silky fingers and sharp nails. Slipping the shirt off her arms, he tossed it to the floor and returned for the clasp of her bra.

As he pulled down each strap, he taunted her further, tasting the skin that led to her bosom. Removing the undergarment, it joined the shirt on the floor, and Levi flicked his tongue lightly to (f/n)’s nipple. She sucked in a carnal sounding breath, and the captain smiled against the flesh. Running his calloused fingers gently across the pair, he marveled at the perfection of her breasts. Levi generously licked his fingers and gently rolled her nipple between his moistened thumb and forefinger, while gliding his tongue around the second, pulling it into his mouth and savoring its taste. She let out several rousing moans as he alternated his attention from left to right again and again.

(f/n) lifted herself to her knees, torso up, and he sat back to watch as she turned her back to him on the bed. Her gorgeous (h/c) hair cascaded down her bare back and she watched Levi suggestively as her hands began to slip off her underwear. Levi felt irrepressible obligation to press his own hand firmly against his pants, repositioning himself and adding the almost imperative pressure. Her behind was exquisite and bent towards him as she slid the panties over her knees and off her ankles, depositing them with the growing pile of clothing by the bed.

Rising back up, she looked over her shoulder to his gray eyes and asked sensually, “Well? How do you find me?”

He let out a sexy, low laugh and groaned seductively as he ran a hand over her backside and turned her to rest, facing him, on his pillows once more. Looking earnestly into the beautiful (e/c) eyes he so loved, Levi said, “Better than I even imagined. I find you perfect.” He placed a kiss to her lips and whispered, “Truly.”

(f/n) laughed quietly and blissfully. Biting her lip erotically, Levi groaned loudly as he felt a soft hand slide beneath his waistband and grab hold of his manhood, relieving some of the agonizing pressure and yet enhancing his lust simultaneously.

**** 

You were not feeling as patient as Levi had been. Pulling off his white uniform pants and briefs, you discarded them quickly, and then ran your hand up to again wrap your fingers around his hardness. Pumping his rigid member in your palm, you tormentingly flicked it with your tongue. He gasped. You smiled at the power this moment afforded you, before teasing him again, running your wet tongue down the length of him.

“Please,” he begged as one of his hands gripped the sheets at his side, “don’t taunt me.” You smirked again and gave him what he wanted, relishing the unintentional moaning you caused him to release as your mouth enveloped his stiffness. 

After several minutes of enjoying your wet, warm suction, Levi raised you off of him and stood to the side of his bed. His calloused fingers drove you mad as he grabbed your hips, pulling them to meet his own. As you lay anxious on the bed, he languidly wrapped your dangling legs around his waist. Both his and your breathing intensified, as you felt Levi’s smooth head rub across your clitoris. It was your turn to beg. “Please,” you requested of the man between your legs. He raised your hips slightly and slid himself effortlessly into your wetness.

Pleasure erupted through your body in a flurry of sensation, and your lover growled out an impassioned, “Fuuck.” You moaned, tightening your legs around Levi, as he smoothly and deliberately moved in and out of you, savoring each inch of desire. As you ran your nails across his muscular arms, defined chest, and his taught abdomen, Levi increased his thrusting.

Your mind felt numb as he plunged deeper and harder into you, over and over, steamy and steady. Levi kissed you passionately before slipping his index finger in your mouth. You sucked it seductively, and as he switched forefinger for thumb, you gave him the moisture you knew he was after. Taking those two wet digits, Levi expertly rolled your clitoris between them. You arched your back, trying to fill yourself as deeply as possible, and your mind became disoriented at his hands.

The anticipation began to overtake you and moaning turned to uncontrollable swearing as you neared your limit. A wave of passion pulsed through you, and his name mingled with your fervid cries as you came. Satisfied at the bliss on your face, Levi clutched more tightly than before and plunged harder and faster into your sensitive core until he was finally sent crashing over his own edge. Leaning forward, he buried his face on your chest, and your hands ran through his ebony hair as you allowed him to completely release himself.

Breathing heavily, he joined you on the bed and rolled you to rest atop him, his fingers running absent-mindedly through your (h/c) locks, as you rested your head to his firm breast muscle. The two of you heaved deeply for several minutes, eyes closed in contentment, until you raised your face and rested your chin on the backs of your hands, which lay against his sculpted chest. He cracked one slate eye and looked back at you, before forcing his other exhausted eye open.

Thinking about what had led the two of you to this moment, you reached up your fingers and tenderly brushed his black hair away from his eyes. Levi smirked as he gazed back into your (e/c) eyes, amused by the expression on your face. He ran the backs of his fingers delicately across your cheek and lips and then poked you lightly on the tip of your nose. “What are you thinking about?” he asked.

You smiled lightheartedly, cherishing all of your restored memories, and said, “I’m thinking, ‘That was one hell of a kiss.’”

Levi laughed and sighed in agreement and the two of you slowly dozed off, comfortably tangled together.

================

Sometime later, you both startled awake to a pounding on the front door. You could just make out Hange’s voice calling to the two of you. The pounding continued. You propped yourself up and Levi tugged you back down. “Don’t answer that,” he ordered groggily.

You considered it. The idea of leaving the warmth of your captain’s bare skin did seem a lot to ask. More pounding and shouting. You sighed and sat up again. Levi tugged once more. “She’ll leave eventually. Just ignore it,” he asked of you.

“Come on. She’s only trying to help. Maybe she came up with some solutions,” you offered empathetically. 

“We don’t need them now. I’m not ready for this to end yet. Stay here with me,” he begged. His face was perfect and so convincing you almost had not continued.

“I didn’t say I was leaving,” you said seductively, but then stood and added, “Hange doesn’t know we don’t need other solutions. She thinks I’m still dying.”

Levi moved his lips in a manner that put a look of shame on his face. He really did not want his friend to worry needlessly and he didn’t say anything else to stop you as you pulled the robe off the inside of his bathroom door.

Sliding into it and tying it loosely, you said, “Look. I’ll just tell her the problem is resolved and thank her for her help. I doubt she’ll ask what happened if I come to the door in this. It’s not exactly subtle.”

Levi raised a shrewd eyebrow, “You don’t know Shitty-Glasses very well, then.”

Sure he was wrong, you stuck your tongue out at him childishly. He threw a pillow at your face, which you caught and hurled back at him. “Brat!” he jested.

Walking towards the loud pounding and shouting, you unlocked the front door and opened it partially, just enough to lean against the door frame.

“Oh thank god! I was getting very concerned," she breathed. "(f/n) get Levi and come on! I have a couple of new plans to get your memories back and I think you’re really going to-“

You interrupted Hange’s excitable speech. “Doctor Hange, you are amazing, you know that?” Zoe blushed, thrown briefly off-guard. She was about to start again, before you continued, “but I have great news! I don’t need any other solutions. My memories have returned! All of them! Thank you for all of your hard work. It means more than you could know.”

Flabbergasted, Hange questioned rapidly what had helped. Was it one of her suggestions? If not, how had someone else discovered the cure? What would she do with all of the experiments she had just set up? Were you absolutely certain the memories were the correct ones?

You did not know how to interrupt her when she became so frantic like this. She probably would not have even heard you, if you spoke.

Suddenly, the door opened wider behind you, one of Levi’s hands curled around the door itself and the other was behind you, propped against the frame. “Oi, Shitty-Glasses! Aren’t you ever going to learn to take a hint or must things always be spelled out explicitly?” You glanced over your shoulder to his annoyed face, and turned back to face the excitable doctor. Before even noticing the size of her eyes behind those glasses, you rapidly turned your head again as you realized that the man behind you was leaned in his doorway, still completely naked.

Your face burning scarlet from embarrassment, you turned slowly to face Hange again. Her own face was as red as yours and she looked embarrassed and excited at the same time. Her glasses may as well have been fogged over. “Oh, I s-see!” she began to stutter. “It’s about damn time, Short-stack!” She laughed and shouted, “Hey that kind of WAS my idea, even if it was a jest! I said-“

As she continued to ramble, Levi wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you back inside. “Goodbye, Hange,” he interrupted her, while closing the door in her face.

He turned you against the door and you gave him a mock disapproving stare. “What was that?” you whispered, knowing Hange hadn’t had time to leave.

He pointed at the door, eyebrows raised. You heard Hange shout from the other side, “Yahoo!! I’ll let Erwin know the good news right away, but surely even you can’t expect me not to share the more sensational details!”

He rolled his eyes, and replied exasperatedly, “Greeaat. Get lost, Shitty-Glasses!”

As her high-strung shouting faded away, Levi looked at you, smug “I told you so” all over his face. You narrowed your brows indicating you were not amused. “I mean,” you began, “sure she’s a little slow on the uptake concerning people around her, but was this,” you gestured to his nudity, “really necessary.”

“No,” he replied truthfully, that delicious hunger back in his stony eyes. He pulled you forward to him with his fingers looped in the robe sash. “But I told you earlier, I am yours, and you are mine…and I,” he placed a sensual peck to your throat, “am most definitely,” to your jaw, “not ready to share less than your full attention.” Levi’s lips caressed yours before zealously intensifying another kiss.

Flinging your arms around his neck, you groaned again in blissful need, before he backed you forcefully against the door. Loosening the tie that held the robe closed, he lifted you up, placing your legs around him again. One hand bracing himself against the door and the other holding you to him by your rear, he pushed his rigid length back into your depths.

You lost yourselves again to your long searched-for intimacy.


	24. ThatGingahNinja

It had been two weeks since your memory had returned to normal. Levi had refused all of Hange’s requests to have you checked over for the first five days, until she annoyed Erwin enough that he lifted both of your suspensions and ordered you be “released” for medical inspections. She found nothing to be overly concerned about and marveled excitedly at how effective her “jolt” suggestion had been. 

After returning to your barracks, you were finally able to fill in your friends about everything that had happened since you had last seen them…to an extent. You told them about how you had not been able to even see Captain Levi before being abducted, and that there were only certain things you chose to recount from your captivity. None of them dared press you for more information on your torture than you were willing to give. Sasha cried as you hit some of the more horrific moments. Ymir held Krista closer to her, as if afraid she may vanish right then. You left out most of the intimate moments between the lance corporal and yourself, telling them only that you had spent time unaware of your feelings and watched him suffer trying to help you find them again. They seemed impressed that their flat, awkward captain could be so passionate about anything.

The three of them seemed terrified as you told what you knew about the Titan Shifters, about how Levi thought you had died in his arms, about the deal he had made with the man in the gray hood, and how he had been prepared to turn himself over in exchange for your safety. Not wanting to divulge too much of your precious private moments with your beloved captain, you covered briefly that he had confessed he was in love with you (to which Krista rolled her eyes and replied, “Finally!”) and about your kiss and the memories returning. They vowed not to tell the whole Survey Squad anything about you and Levi until the two of you decided if it was time.

For the first time in history, “Humanity’s Most Powerful Soldier” suffered through completing his office work during normal hours so that all of his free time after dinner could be spent with you. During those next five days, you skipped the mess hall altogether, eating your meals with one another privately in his quarters. The only other soldier that had seemed to notice your absences coincided with the lance corporal’s was Jean, and so you had briefly explained what had happened over the last year. Kirstein shook his head asking why you had to cause so much trouble all the time, before clapping a hand on your back and saying, “Don’t be such a pain in the ass all the time.” You smiled and raised your brows as you narrowed your (e/c) eyes in Jean’s direction. 

“Look who’s talking, Horse-Face!” you shot at him.

“Shut up, ass!” he reprimanded with a grin on his face and his hands in his pockets as he walked backwards away from you. The two of you both knew that your obstinate friend had just told you that he had been worried about you for weeks, and that your words were just your awkward way of telling each other “thank you” and “see ya around.”

During dinners with Levi, the atmosphere was stress-free and you strived to force a little playfulness into the strict officer’s life. You reveled in seeing his gray eyes flash with momentary fury anytime you teased him by wiping food somewhere on his person, though you were always immediately prepared to clean it away with a cloth in the other hand. You knew the grime made his skin crawl, but the way he crossed his arms and sulked afterwards was too good to pass up. He would eventually shoot “Tch,” in your direction, before grabbing your shirt collar, flippantly calling you an idiot, and “scolding” your mischief with kisses. The way he allowed himself to be when he was with you delighted you both.

On the eleventh day after your memories had returned, Erwin sent another expedition beyond the walls. Your unit had been with Commander Smith, and Levi had been sent with his Special Ops Squad, but the teams were scheduled to converge after three days searching for signs of more of Gray Hood’s Shifters. You found being outside so freeing and excelled at taking out Titans, but on that third day, the pair of steely eyes that flashed daringly in your direction from across a tree-lined clearing added a whole new component to your proficiency.

The two of you completely decimated a pair of deviant type Titans simultaneously, hardly bothering to unlock your eyes from each other despite the fact that you fought several kilometers apart, and despite the fact that your squads were perfectly able to assist. Another Titan emerged from the forest and the two of you sped to see who would take it out first. As you raced rapidly up the arm of the massive beast, blades drawn, your breath caught as Levi flipped spectacularly in front of you and sliced the neck, easily winning your game. You landed and watched as he rode the falling Titan to the ground never losing his footing. It was very difficult to be agitated that he had bested you so effortlessly when he had been so damned sexy in doing so, but you tried anyway.

You stomped towards him, (h/c) ponytail blowing behind you. “I had that one, damn it!” you shouted at him. “I didn’t need you to rescue you me!”

As he walked towards you, he flung the blood free from his blades and sheathed them again. “You know I wasn’t trying to rescue you from shit, brat!”

“Then you could have let me kill it on my own!” You stopped in front of him, continuing trying to stay angry. “You just can’t stand for anyone else to look good when Commander Smith is around,” you pointed your sword towards the blonde that was approaching casually in the distance with the spare horses, before sheathing your blade as well.

He pulled a glove off his hand with his teeth and grabbed you firmly by the chin. “Would you just shut up and look where we are for a minute, you stubborn shit?” he demanded, while turning your face towards the dead Titan. Looking at it, you noticed nothing special, until Levi tilted your chin a bit more upward. Through the steam rising off the slain monster, you saw the forest was the very same the captain had led you into the first time the two of you had shared that feeling of home.

You felt a sudden shockwave shoot through your body as Levi wrapped his arms around you and clutched you to him in a tight hug. Your (e/c) eyes were wide and cheeks maroon as you noticed the faces of the nearing shoulders. Erwin and Mikasa turned their heads with a roll of their eyes, clearly embarrassed by the unprofessional display. Jean made a mock disgusted face. Several senior officers looked ready to faint as they witnessed the most well-known detached soldier in the military wrapping you gingerly in an embrace. Krista and Ymir stood with their arms linked, grinning at you like a couple of fools. You turned your scarlet face against his chest and whispered, “What are you doing?”

“Do I embarrass you?” he asked. He knew the answer, he just wanted you to say it aloud.

“No!” you said defiantly, looking up to meet his gaze. “It’s not that! I just- I think I’m as surprised as the rest of them that 'Captain Levi' is standing on the field holding a woman.”

He smirked at you, his black bangs partially covering his eyes. “I’ve spent my entire existence guarding myself, strengthening my emotions, steeling myself for this life. I fought for myself every day until I decided to follow Erwin, and then I fought every day for the sake of others. If I can’t take the time to kiss the woman I love without losing some respect, then fuck those pricks. Fuck all of it.”

“You haven’t kis-“ your words were interrupted by lips meeting yours tenderly. As the kiss deepened and you relaxed to the expert wave of his smooth tongue, you swore you heard a “Yahoo!’ somewhere behind you. 

It didn’t matter just then that you were surrounded by stunned corpsmen, steaming lifeless Titans, or were beyond the wall where danger could be any place. It didn’t matter just then that Gray Hood had yet to be captured and would likely come again for Levi or you someday. It didn’t matter just then that two people couldn’t possibly have more uncertain futures than this pair. All that mattered just then, was the soft mouth tugging gently and scandalously on your bottom lip.

“Ahem!” you heard directly beside you. Startling from your captain’s steamy kiss, you saw Commander Smith staring down exceptionally disapprovingly at the two of you. His vibrant blue glare was intensely unsettling and you felt like a small child being reprimanded as he held out the reins to Levi's and your horses. “Shall we continue?” he quipped sternly.

“Yes, sir!” the two of you said in unison, but as you took the reins from Erwin’s hands, you swore there was a glint of support on his face aimed at the pair of lovers.

As he rode to the front of the troops to lead onward, you shot Levi an exasperated side eye. “Idiot,” you scolded. “You got me in trouble. Are you determined to be the source of all of my headaches?”

He pushed your behind, making mounting your horse much easier, before tauntingly saying, “You are mine, and I am yours.”

You glared down at him, struggling to hold back your grin at his terrible joke. It was no use. As he fixed himself into his own steed’s saddle, you laughed and echoed, “-and I am yours.” The two of you rode on with the remaining Survey Corps, and you added, “Even if you really are just the _most _infuriating man.”__

__

__End._ _


End file.
